Number Two Hundred

Today evening Balaji took me to Sri Krishna Temple at Manama by surprise. He dropped me at the entrance and asked me to go & see as he could not find a parking lot. In fact, I rarely visit temples these days. I am not deliberately avoiding but just that I have no urge to go.

I was really taken aback upon seeing the huge Govardhan giri occupying majority of the open area against the big Krishna mural. The temple being managed and run by Gujarati community is well known for grand, colourful and vibrant decorations especially on special occasions. I inferred from the banner hung over there that there was some rath yatra yesterday.

My admiration and respect to all those behind this beautiful expression of devotion and sweet feat of creativity.

Jai Shree Krishna!

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Talking of devotion, I would stand in awe in temples sometimes looking at others' explicit devotion than making effort of my own. I still wonder why I have never been inclined or inspired to learn or chant slokas/mantras. Could it be my birth defect? :)

Yet, I pray. Don't ask me what and how as my jabber cannot be heard by anyone except God. :)

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I cannot believe that I have completed 200 posts - each one written with genuine emotions felt at the time of writing. The crowning glory is the one written 3.5 years back which is very, very dear to my heart.

I dedicate my scribbles to that one man who stole my heart in one swish and continue to do so even now. I wish to be connected / acquainted with him in every birth of mine. I fear not for my innumerable births but I fear that I should not lose sight of him in any of my births. If you know me, you would instantly know whom I am talking about. Otherwise, go here to know who he is....

http://padmaja-whispers.blogspot.com/2009/01/fond-feeling.html

I remember scribbling these few words on July 4, 2006 sitting in my sister's house in Chennai.

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Number Two Hundred is just a small number for random ramblings. Loads of mental junk need to be offloaded here. So, stay tuned... :)

Nothing matters

The hustle bustle of the day’s work was over. I was thoroughly exhausted.

As I was about to settle down for my night reading for inspiration, I was captivated by the blue & white combination that I saw from the bedroom window. Generally, Bahrain’s sky is one of the most disillusioned ones as it is rare to see stars or clouds at any point of the year. Hence it was a sight for me.

I mentally pushed aside the charms of ‘The Power of NOW’, opened the window fully and sat on a chair resting my arms on the sill. Those half an hour…

I watched the white clouds chasing something fast… no faster… I didn’t want to even get up and wear my glasses to correct my short sight as the large motion picture was clearly seen.

I turned my gaze towards the busy Exhibition Avenue, Jasmis, moving cars, people crossing the open ground…

At those rare seemingly satoric moments, there was no pain or joy, no remembrance of failures or successes, no reminders on duties or commitments, no thoughts on relationships, no fears on losing, no intellectual analysis, no expectations from anything or anybody, no worries on my imperfections, no questions on the many whys, no philosophical conclusions, no reasonings…

I became speechless.

I could not sit beyond a point. The humidity in the atmosphere and the buzzing of ACs from the neighbouring houses made me feel very hot. I closed the window and saw through the glass. I watched the chasing clouds against the stagnant blue sky and the fast moving cars on the road again.

I moved out of the window now as my mind and body were reminding me of the unbearable heat.

I switched ON the AC, picked up the book and started reading….

“The world arises when consciousness takes on shapes and forms, thought forms and material forms. Look at the million of life forms on this planet alone. In the sea, on land, in the air – and then each life form is replicated millions of times. To what end? Is someone or something playing a game, a game with form? This is what the ancient seers of India asked themselves. They saw the world as lila, a kind of divine game that God is playing. The individual life forms are obviously not very important in this game.”

I closed my eyes, finished my night prayers and dozed off to sleep in the next couple of minutes.

I felt divine in the morning.

I realise that nothing matters.

Yes. No thing really matters.

Smile wholesome

Yesterday evening, it was a revelation when Atul asked me all of a sudden, “Amma, can you make out if a smile is fake or not? I am not asking about the deliberate ones but the ones which appear genuine but not actually…..”

Believe me…….. I was really bowled over by his question. I didn't expect such a question from someone so young.

This is a mystery since the birth of this creation, isn’t it?

You don't give fake smile to anyone, Atul. That's all I can say.


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Today morning after our morning walks, my friend and I happened to meet one 9-month old baby boy and a 2 year old dashing young girl in their typical black & white combination. It was hard to differentiate them as they both looked like carbon copies of each other. At least it appeared so to my eyes.

The proud papa picked up my friendly signal and came near us. He replied to my stupid question, “Are they friendly?” with “Oh yes, very much,” with a broad smile. I came back home with a happy heart because I had experienced the power of NOW when I looked into their innocent eyes and loving expressions.

When I returned home, Atul was equally ecstatic about my rendezvous and told me that we must have one too in Coimbatore. I simply smiled.

I have been only smiling since morning, thanks to those two little, cute, lovely pugs. The black smudges left behind by those pugs on my hands made me smile more while washing my hands back at home.

I am glad I met them.


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I am reading two books simultaneously these days. One is 'Walking with a Himalayan Master' by Dr. Justin O'Brien and the other is 'The Power of NOW' by Eckhart Tolle. Though they are second readings for me, many new things are highlighted now.

Indeed an innocent smile is a gift of purity and divinity.

Fighting opinions

Two days back, my friend asked Atul, “What did you miss the most apart from food when your mother had gone to India for two months?” He replied candidly, “Fighting.” I could not control my laughter because his age is such that not a day passes without lengthy arguments between us. All meaningless arguments and topics! The word ‘fighting’ has no meaning at all here, which I know and he knows, because our relationship is based on trust and love.

I do not know about my past lives but in this life, one thing I can claim tall and that is, I have never fought with anyone nor carried over those burns hailed at me consciously. Because wrong perceptions and misunderstandings do happen in an opinionated world. In fact, opinion is the cause of all problems of life.

Marcus Aurelius has given a very simple solution in his famous book ‘The Meditations’ thus…

Take away thy opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint, "I have been harmed." Take away the complaint, "I have been harmed," and the harm is taken away.

While reading these words, I imagined him sitting in his tent with a quill in hand burning midnight oil thus pouring his heart out on goodness and godliness. In the midst of fight and fury of the war, hatred and losses of humanity, he had written such pearls of wisdom.

Everyone must read this diary at least once to know what this Roman Emperor had jotted down as his meditative thoughts some 2000 years ago. In fact, I mourned for his death in the film ‘Gladiator’ when his own son (Commodus) kills him for the sake of power. What a shame for this fine man of wisdom and humility! During those last moments of life, this great man would not have felt pain because of the physical wound but succumbed by the pain in the subtle heart caused by his own son for shifting priorities of life. For a prestigious father of lofty ideals, such a prodigal son was destined!

We are all no less than Commodus. In fact, the world is going worse consistently at the personal and global level, caring only for self-opinions and inflated egos. By the grace of Light, I am sure the world would get back its glory and smile once again soon. To achieve this at the earliest, let each one of us spread light and love at all times, throwing away those fighting opinions.

God bless!

The charm of balloons

I was waiting near a supermarket entrance today evening. It was extremely interesting to watch men and women of different sizes, shapes and ages walk in and out. It was also highly amusing to watch hand-in-hand couples in this summer heat (of course Malls are air conditioned) oblivious of the peeping world, including those in the family way. :D

There were also a few children holding big balloons in hands as if they were their greatest treasure. At that time, a sweet girl of around 6 years who appeared restless was walking to and fro near the entrance. She brought her father to the spot and started pressurizing him, “Appa, the balloon man has gone that side. Come, let’s go…..” The father obliged to her request soon, probably understanding that he stood no chance in convincing her. Holding his finger, she walked away in excitement in search of the balloon man. I stood focused in that direction to see the outcome.

The girl reappeared in 5 minutes with a long balloon in hand. Ah… her face exuded so much of joy and pride as if saying, “See, I too have one now.” She was no longer holding her father’s hand. He was walking alongside talking to someone on mobile. He must have been relieved inwardly that his daughter would not trouble him for sometime. Finally, they entered into the supermarket. I assumed that her mother must be doing purchases inside.

If Atul had come along, I would have laughed with him quoting his antics on balloons, toys etc. Really, the charm of balloons is irresistible, even for adults.

Having tasted roaring success one more time, the balloon man returned to the entrance looking out for healthy prospects.:D And he deserves success again and again.

Mathematical ambiguity

The gifts of 2009 are strengthening my will every minute but are also bringing heightened sensitivity. After finishing the reading of ‘A Certain Ambiguity’ by Gaurav Suri & Hartosh Singh Bal, I didn’t know how to swallow the lump in my throat for a long time.

The book is a mathematical novel lucidly questioning mathematical truths based on axioms (which is equal to calling unquestionable faith in spiritual terms). It is not a commercial novel so interesting to go deep in one go but you cannot ignore completing it as well. It is a good inspiring book for non-mathematicians to get introduced to the deeper concepts of Cantor’s Continuum Problem, Euclidian Geometry, Non-Euclidian Geometry etc on a surface level.

I was pained to know that many mathematicians including Euclid had burnt their lives to prove the Euclid’s fifth postulate. For more than 2000 years, this postulate was a challenge to geometers across the globe who had centered their lives on it but in vain. I wish to document here some of the extracts of published journals that touched my core being….

Girolamo Saccheri (1729) – …..I have spent hour after hour, night after night seeking the contradiction. Even in sleep I have dreamt about finding the refutation. My health has suffered, my loved ones have suffered, even my theological studies have been neglected…. Because it is still imperfect, I will not allow publications of this work until I die….

Baruch Spinoza (1656) – Today I was excommunicated. I was excommunicated for speaking the truth. It seems the truth was too stark for those who sat in judgment over me……. Instead of being persuaded by my common-sense deductions, they have accused me of blasphemy and thrown me out of their society….

Letter from Farkas Bolyai to his son Janos (1820) – I beg you, son, write poetry or plays, teach music or build homes, even grow apples or oranges if you like. In heaven’s name, do anything except try to prove the fifth postulate…… For God’s sake, I beseech you, give it up. Fear it no less than sensual passions because it, too, may take all your time, deprive you of your health, peace of mind, and happiness in life.

Nikolay Ivanovich Lobachevsky (1855) – I am blind and sick now and I know I am dying. My dearest eldest son has already died, I am in debt, my marriage has failed, and my career is over. But these are minor irritations compared to my greatest regret: the fact is that I have made the greatest mathematical discovery in two thousand years and have received no recognition for it….. But no one has understood the importance of this discovery. For over three decades, I have tried to get people to read this work, I have translated into French, German, and recently again to French, but it has not mattered. Nobody cares…..

Georg Cantor (1884) – I am depressed and troubled….. The quest for a solution now has a vice-like grip over me; it is impossible for me to think about anything or anyone else. I have not been out of the house for weeks and have not spoken to another human for days….

It is not the outline of the novel that touched me more but the lives of these mathematicians. There were many who had sacrificed their lives in search of space-shape connectivity. And we all know that mathematicians have to prove every certainty logically. Once again I came to realise that it is always lonely for those whose passions are truly sublime and esoteric. When there is none to share your passion, the pain is more felt in the heart.

After finishing the book, I didn't know how to dissipate the choking sensation in my throat, for my sensitivity had heightened to the extent of feeling the helpless agonies of the mathematicians in my being.

So, standing in the kitchen, my eyes searched for those lost souls in the sky through the window. Yes, I was searching for those few rare souls who were caught in mathematical ambiguities and lived their entire lives with a single goal beyond animal passions and selfish calculations but failed to prove…..

Silence to silence

Rarely do I sit for long in front of the computer these days but if at all I do, either it is to watch a movie or write or read something. My two-way communication with the outside world is drastically reduced.

The dancing of trees in the cool breeze, the red and yellow roses that blossom in the balcony, touch and go rains, exquisite conversations of birds all keep me in rapture. In fact, I was so taken away by the birds’ non-stop chattering on the solar eclipse day (July 22) that I wanted to learn their language. I could understand how Yanni would have derived inspiration for his ‘Nightingale’. No wonder, the great artist had made me enjoy the music though I am zero in musical skills. Listen to it if you have not heard so far.

There is no silence at all in the air because of these birds; yet silence is felt easily.

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Watched BOLT. Hats off to the creators of this animation movie. The dog is so cute, naïve and loveable. I could not control my laughter when Bolt is nailed to ground realities and tries to learn unwillingly from Mittens ‘how to behave like a normal dog’.

Whether he is playing with the rubber carrot or begging for food under the able guidance of Mittens or enjoying simple joys of life like popping out of the window with his tongue out while travelling, Bolt is simply superb. After all, fake love and fake people are something that we all abhor and do not wish to be associated with. Bolt is no exception. Thank God, Penny proves to be a real person of real love.

This is one movie I may watch again and again. :)

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I am reading ‘A Certain Ambiguity’ these days. Infinite doors are opening up in understanding the concept of infinity. Better… I should be more careful when I use the word ‘infinity’ henceforth. Once again, I realise why my late father was so addicted to Mathematics till his last breath.

I could not stop admiring the creative and interesting presentation of the difficult concepts of Mathematics.

That reminds me... though it is just 5 minutes away from my house, I am yet to make a visit to Crossword. I need at least a minimum of 3 hours to quietly laze around the bookshelves and also to watch the interesting personalities of all ages walk in. :D At present, I don’t have that much time but surely will do before I leave for Bahrain.

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If I have had a daughter, I would have considered naming her as ‘Sangamitra’. It is such a beautiful name. I used to feel a lot of grace and divinity in it. I am drawn to that name ever since I’ve heard of it in my childhood. To rewind a little history, she was the daughter of Emperor Ashoka who became a Buddhist monk and went to Sri Lanka along with her brother (Mahindra) to spread the teachings of Buddha and adopt female nuns.

'Sanga' means society and 'mitra' means friend. So, the name gives a beautiful meaning - 'one who is friendly to the society'.

When I was going through the train timetable a few days back, I was happy to see the name, though I am not travelling by Sangamitra Express. :)

After so many years, now I could vaguely understand why I like the name 'Sangamitra'. It could be because

* though being a daughter of great emperor, she opted to become a nun and sacrificed her luxuries for a noble cause
* my love for Buddha

I feel stirred when I recite these powerful lines along with birds' loud whispers …..

Buddham Sharanam Gacchami
Dharmam Sharanam Gacchami
Sangam Sharanam Gacchami


Silence is easily felt in the air.

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