Make-up

I have always admired beautiful women walking in élan with impeccable make-up and a plastic smile. But they have also raised enough curiosity in me to see their faces without make-up. :D

Is the make-up beautifying them or the luxuriant products get beatified because of them? Are they really angelic as they appear to be?

Way back, my orthodox middle class family never allowed make-up of any sort till I started my career. Oh yes, I donned make-up while playing small roles on stage during my childhood. Of course, I wanted to own a make-up kit at that time. Ah…. innocent days…….

Even during my working days, the maximum externals that beautified me were lipstick and nail polish. I am a person of commitment and hence I was dedicated to a couple of lipstick and nail polish unlike my friends who had a rack full of different shades pining for their elegant touch. However, the day I learnt about the inner make up, my poor knowledge on external decoration got dropped on its own at that instant.

Some of my decisions (though mundane) were very strong and this was one among them. Since then, I have not wavered even once. Do not assume that I am a person of great determination always. No. This one is a simple revelation. That’s all.

When I see the young girls of today, I could not stop admiring the way they carry themselves with the glittering make-up and high heels to prance around. Not to mention of the proud parents who encourage their children to be so whether on stage or off stage.

I could not thank my strict parents enough now, for they had given confidence in a subtle level. Not only that, they were strict in not accumulating inner make-up which I realized later.

Actually, while turning the pages of GDN today morning, I felt grieved to read the article on the man who has woken up from coma, a victim of bomb blast who has lost his eyes, right hand and a mutilated face which has to be literally reconstructed. Ironically, he is one of the suspects for assembling the bomb and is going to be tried in court.

With a face to rebuild, dented eye sockets and a missing right hand, what more can he look out for in life? Is this awakening from sleep a punishment for him? Whether he is innocent or convict, he has to face physical and mental trauma in the coming weeks. The man’s file photo reminded me of the topic ‘make-up’, for face is the base of expressing emotions and a platform to exude sweetness hiding the volcano within.

Inner make-up is more dangerous to self and others. The layer that covers the self is dirt and not a beauty product.

Are we one among the many who is roaming around with a flawless inner make-up?

Whispers to take wings

There is an idea to document echoes of the spirit. I have just opened a space to write down my lively and loud thinking.

If interested, you may follow or subscribe to my thoughts here….

http://divine-vibrations.blogspot.com

The above space will go live in the coming days or months.

Of course, my mundane whispers will continue here too. That reminds me of the article that I wanted to write on ‘Make-up’. Shall write soon. :)

It's all mind play

According to me, ‘dream’ is a common term that we use to

• justify sleepless nights
• project positivity
• set standards and goals
• brush off whimsical fantasies

Ironically, I had remained a victim of all the four in the past.

Dreams have the potential to diffuse, amuse or bemuse us. It can even frighten the core of our being and shake us.

The subconscious and unconscious layers of my mind had been generous enough to release many such reels without my conscious permission in all these years. Though the rationale part of the mind try to pose its logic, I fail to ignore them sometimes. Honestly, I’ve never had dreams of the types of Bharathiraja films so far. :)

At one point of time, I had dreamt of flashing doctor’s white coat on my shoulders, brushing a few strokes of colours, flying high as a pilot, tying dancers’ tinkles for my feet, playing veena, writing volumes of poetry, becoming a nuclear scientist etc. Dreams remained distant dreams though I could have sparkled in all. This is written not out of over confidence but because of the interests that I had at that time.

When I realized that there were no opportunities to pursue my dreams, I didn’t even bother to widen my knowledge on them. Now, I have burnt all of those dreams without trace as I understood that they are burdens to my onward journey. I am still holding on to ‘writing’ not to prove to anybody but only to fine tune my thoughts. If anyone is benefitted by this public display, it could be sheer coincidence.

Coming to the subject matter, two days back I was praying to God while lying on the bed to forgive all those known and unknown who had wished ill of me and hurt my soul in all my lives. I had no idea when I slept but was rudely woken up by a strange dream set in ancient times in which I realized a conspiracy to kill me, that those whom I approached for help turned into conspirators and that I was given a deep cut on my right palm so that I could bleed to death. I walked and walked the ups and down of many steps with dripping blood trailing me wherever I went but none bothered to help me out. As I was losing consciousness, I raised my bleeding hand towards two unknown strangers (an old man and a woman) as an act of relaying my intention to forgive those who harmed me and fell dead. The death was peaceful.

As I opened my eyes abruptly in the middle of the night, though chilling the dream experience was, I was not at all perturbed. Instead I was peaceful. I smiled within that my wish is registered in the subconscious or unconscious mind somehow.

This reminds me now that I had experienced all the four characteristics that I had enumerated in the opening para at one stretch. Now I got to seriously watch the mounds of thoughts for a better mind play.

To write or not to write - that's never a question

This is my space given freely by the provider host. I have freedom to exhibit my emotions openly. I know well that I have no interest in becoming rich and famous; neither have any inclination to promote my ideas to anyone. I have no die-hard followers or fans of my writing.

My writing reflects only truth and hence it might appear repetitive sometimes. I write because I like to write. Of course, I am sensitive and sensible enough not to hurt anyone with my words, whether verbal or written.

I am not ashamed to accept that I’m an imperfect being; yet I struggle my best to keep up my commitments of actions, words and thoughts. At least I am aware that I have the 'right' only to change myself and not others. No wonder, I get agitated by the global and personal display of mean mindedness, cheap attitude, stinginess, wickedness, manipulation, backbiting, dark humour, selfishness, superiority complex, arrogance and violence. It is really, really difficult to tolerate such people. Sometimes, I think it is wise to live in the world of dreams than to see these sadists prowling around.

Ironically, these idiots don’t understand ‘freedom’ doesn’t mean that they have all the freedom to rebuke, hurt, humiliate or torture others physically or psychologically. They never realise that they are slaves to their crooked thinking and that there can be no greater challenge than silencing the inner noise.

Even with the freedom of space and thoughts, it would be of bad taste to yield to the temptations of scalding such opportunists with my write-ups. Because the inner voice asks me only one question – Do they deserve your time and efforts?

Hence, I wish to consciously document only sublime emotions and thoughts. There is grace and beauty in choosing positive words and thoughts, which illumines the physical personality as well. I am of the belief that the aura of such a person exudes peace & love and attracts even the passersby. So, I reaffirm myself not to sway from this standard. However, I would also like to share even simple & great things that I come across everyday such as….

• I listened to Susan Boyle upon my brother’s mention. I was taken aback by her soulful rendition of ‘I dreamed a dream’. I became emotional and the last line 'I dreamed a dream' brought tears into my eyes.

• I am awed at Andrea’s (Leonardo Da Vinci’s mentor) fearless words to the Signory some 600 years ago after cutting off the head and legs of the bronze horse created by him.

• Leonardo’s undisputed master brain in various fields which includes painting - how would it have appeared under PET scanner?

• Astonishing revelations of 2012.

• My interest in watching only those parts related to Camerlengo in the film ‘Angels & Demons’ though I do not wish to go through the pain again, which I experienced after reading the book.

• And many more….

So, keep a tab here. I may not entertain or enlighten you but will surely try to motivate you with my little experiential knowledge. :)

Judgment - where do I stand?

Judgment Day – my Christian schooling has drilled me this concept at a very young age. I still remember the bunch of pictures of hell that were given to us. My little brain could not answer many questions sitting at school …

• Will God judge only Christians?
• Will He judge me also, a Hindu?
• Where will I be after judgment – heaven or hell?
• When is the Judgment Day?
• Where will I be after my death?
• Should I need to wait till my day of judgment?
• Will God announce His judgment in front of everybody?
• If I am supposed to go to hell, will everybody know about it?

I had taken all these questions to heart very seriously that lingered in my mind as an infinite loop, because of which I had a quiet childhood. You know I wanted to be a good child. Most importantly, I didn’t want God to brand me as a bad child. All along, I was also curious to know what happened to all those who had died so far – would they be in heaven or hell? I was also judgmental about the people around whether they would go to hell or heaven based on their rude behaviour or actions.

In parallel, at home my parents too talked about swarg and narak whenever they wanted to discipline us. I was confused because there were too many gods and goddesses being worshipped at home. Which god or goddess to trust? Who would listen to my prayers patiently and whom not to? Who would be less judgmental and forgive me than the ruthless Christian God? You know….. it was fixed in my mind that as a Hindu, yama doothas only can take me to hell and heaven and not the angels or demons of Christianity. However, secretly, in the heart of hearts, Jesus appealed to my heart more and I didn’t want to disclose this to anyone.

In the bargain, the concept of judgment got rooted in me firmly.

One fine day, all my confusions were dispelled thanks to the sacred texts - Gita and Upanishads. The fear of Judgment Day got diluted and understood that there is only one God for all. But another fear gripped my being. If I am answerable to all my actions, words and thoughts, what is the basic thing that I need to watch. To my rude shock, the answer that came from inside was ‘judgment’.

It was a tough task. We always remember one’s past based on which we judge his or her present. Many times I have failed. But a few times I’ve succeeded too when I consciously refuse to think about them. When my fellow Chetana friends assigned the task of no judgment for a week, I chuckled inside. I started observing my inner being closely. During the course of this week, an opportunity arose…

We were invited for a house warming ceremony recently. There was also a discourse given by one of the spiritual group members. During his discourse, he said, “Some spiritual organisations build schools, colleges and hospitals. Can we call this as service? No, they are ignorant. We have to do seva to Krishna directly.”

I could not stop wondering how can one do service to the Lord directly. Is it only building temples? Is it only doing pujas or parayanas? Are not all beings manifestations of the same divine? Will not the service done to fellow beings reach Krishna? Is not Manava seva Madhava seva?

What appeals to one need not for the other. Then why should he be judgmental about other types of service? Meditation or ceaseless chanting is not for all, isn’t it? In that case, why is he teaching wrongly?

Or...... or is my thinking wrong?

Now the basic question looms large - was or am I judgmental on him? I don’t know really. I don’t know really…

The road less travelled

The concept of heaven and hell had been an integral part of growing up for me. In fact, it must be so for many. Till I got inspired by Gandhiji’s biography during my secondary school, I was afraid of the punishment in hell. And this kept a check on my words that I uttered. Later on, I willingly avoided situations that pushed me to speak untruth.

Just like any other, my growing up was also confused because lies and liars were aplenty. It’s a challenge for my ordinary mind, what with its own labyrinth of surprises and shocks, to cope with other liar mazes that loomed large in front of me. Over a period of years, I learnt to stand beside the liars and listen to them with patience.

Not that I boast of adhering to truth always. The slippages do happen sometimes. But one truth that I cannot deny myself is that I had truthfully tried to be a good daughter all these years.

Today is my late Father’s birthday. Although he had ascended to the other world long back, a small tribute awaits his soul on this earth from me today. This tribute is my promise to live a more humane life, for he had always wanted his children to spread light like stars of the sky.

Scientifically speaking, the twinkling of a star reaches our earth after many, many years of its action. This always reminds me that anything that is bound by time and space has its own limitations and what we sense may not be true and happening at all times.

Such similar simple truths are expounded in my writing along with translation of Gita verses in Tamil. This project is completed today after three years of bumping journey. There were a lot of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual upheavals during this expedition. Truthfully speaking, it has sailed through on its own thanks to the support, guidance and blessings of noble & divine souls. More than anything else, it has reminded me in whispers that consistency is one of the key factors of spiritual life and heaven or hell is only ramifications of my mental chatters.

I’ve dedicated the Garland of Pearls to my parents without whom my existence on this planet would have been impossible. I strongly believe and wish that this offering would go to my Guru eventually as my small token of love on his birthday which falls on May 18th i.e. tomorrow.

Though it is a great moment of my life, I don't feel any elation upon this achievement but surely emotional. Of course, the stress is lifted and a void is felt deep within, for it is the result of my passion for writing. :)


Incidentally this is my 175th post.

O Matter! What's the matter?

A headache is a real headache. It has the capability to spoil the day. Mine is worse, for I never get ordinary headaches. Or probably I should say, I have no experience at all on ordinary headaches. It is as if I am an eternal member of the elite group - Migraine Mavericks Mission. :)

Migraine swarms my being as a sole proprietor of my body and drains my energy wholly. You feel better to cry aloud during those times of helpless hours but many times I don’t have the energy to cry even. My otherwise serene face could not hide this pain however.

I think of all those terminally ill and chronic patients and pray for them with my blasting pain. I also think of Morrie of ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ fame and my beloved Father. How, how on earth could they bear that much pain! Last Friday was one of my worst hit days in recent times (or do I feel so every time I’m hit?). Glaring lights and blaring sound are never going to be my friends.

Ah! That reminds me to add here that Atul performed his Hindustani Vocal and Tabla (both group performance) during the Annual Day functions of IIPA on May 8, 2009. My migraine got aggravated only because of this. However, I ventured out of the house with my limping foot after a long hiatus and I’m happy about it.

Lately, I had been doing some serious reading on ‘antimatter’. Very interesting subject it is. I wonder every time how many scientists would have sacrificed their whole lives to establish their findings. Also, how many scientists would have met the ill-fate of death in the hands of jealousy and conspiracy for fame, name and money. I have promised Atul to teach about ‘antimatter’ this week. Let me see….

By the way Atul asked me what prompted me to read about ‘antimatter’ all of a sudden. A very relevant question indeed, isn’t it? The answer is simple. People who know me well can easily guess.

I have borrowed the book ‘Angels & Demons’ written by Dan Brown (from my friend) which deals with the subject. Unless and until I understand a subject, I cannot proceed further in my reading of the book. Hence this curious interest in Particle Physics. :)

Scientists say that we belong to a universe of ‘matter’ and there may be a universe of ‘antimatter’. They also say that the properties and functioning of both are the same. That goes to prove that whether I live in the universe of ‘matter’ or ‘antimatter’, my migraine would happily go on. This could be my only finding of this life. :D :D