Winter

Atul came back from Bala Vihar today and gave his usual answer 'Nothing' when I asked him "What did you do in the class today?". He is so since his KG days. Many a time, I had to show surprise or shock of the updates happening in the school whereas my darling son always had only one answer 'Nothing'.:)

Even before his arrival, I got the updates from his teacher today. Later on, something flickered in his mind I believe and said, "I wrote a poem on winter and it is graded excellent. It is not my best though."

Well, here it is.....

Winter is a wonderful season of fun
There’ll be a breeze of cold air when we run

We get more of the moon than the sun
What a wonderful breeze comes from the wind while having a bun

We get holidays and have fun while adults rest even a nun
Yes, winter is a season filled with fun

In a few days, children catch severe cold
Even though we want to go out and be bold

We have to do what our parents have told
For children, holidays weigh a kg of gold

Because of this cold, our winter holidays are sold
And when summer starts again, the story of winter folds


Waaaah... what innocence! It really brought an instant smile and glow on my face. My memory shifted to the day when I carried my baby home 12 winters ago. :)

I shall post the poems written by other kids also and update this blog soon.

Change

The much needed change is happening. For good. Not that there was no change at all all these days or years. But I realise it more closely now. Just like the awareness of my breath that gives smooth touches to my nostrils.

The realisation brings tears to my eyes, hides my body in a corner of the house, gives a jerk to my mind every now and then and then there is absolute emptiness in the heart. I cherish every moment of the present. I wish to extend this present as much as possible before another avalanche of negative change sweeps me off.

The forces, both external and internal, do always exist. While I have no control over the external which constantly nags me, this change has usurped the internal. The battle has started. It is going to turn out to be more fierce.

And the world need not know how good or bad a fighter I am.

Don't give up...

How would it feel to be with 72 children from different backgrounds, ages and languages maintain absolute silence to hear one voice of knowledge and wisdom, dynamism and versatility, enthusiasm and challenging, strict yet jovial?

How would it feel to see the tasks and punishments being accepted by the children with a smile on their faces?

How would it feel to see 7 groups of 10 each think as a ‘team’ to solve, interpret and imagine their own modern art drawn in 5 seconds during which time the young minds had thrown such beautiful insights which many adults wouldn’t have even dreamt about?

How would it feel to see our mistakes being repeated again and again glaringly and gain punishments happily from the owner of the voice in the form of writing down mantras 108 times for every mistake?

How would it feel to not sleep continuously for two nights and yet feeling fresh throughout the day?

This and many more happened during the camp organized by Chinmaya Society, Bahrain on 15-17 December, 2008 under the magnetic guidance of Chinmaya Mission Acharya, Swami Mitrananda. The theme of the camp was 'Look Ahead...' based on the text 'We Must'.

It was a wonderful and memorable experience indeed. Wish I was a kid to be a participant of the camp.

I have taken home many messages but one sentence keeps ringing in my ears that supply me more strength and energy and that is “Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up…”

Yes, I won’t give up….

Canvas, Colours & Child

I had stayed away from serious writing wantedly for quite sometime, thus killing my overflowing urge to shape up the thoughts and words that haunt my emotional stream. However, the recent Mumbai attack is churning my emotions in a broader perspective and I had no option but to succumb to the inner demand.

Jim Warren's painting came in handy at this moment. Believe me when I say that I've taken more than 3 hours to write these simple words as my mind battled endlessly for coherent thinking and right choice of words. It seems I am out of touch of writing capabilities now. No idea if I continue to blog regularly. However, here is my attempt. Read on...



I like to test the impact of colours
Onto the torn canvases of the world
With streaks of sky high wishes

I drip those colours of mild hues
And frame fine beings of my liking
To lock my clean hands with them

I want to see my scrambled sprinklers
Breathe with tender love and care
And walk tall in their sheen and glean

A dream rare to realize I’m told
For I only need to colour my white life
And not to pierce other canvases
Or meddle them with my choice of colours


P.S. I sincerely thank the creator of this painting for breaking my numbness to thinking and writing process.

Diwali in lights & colours

* On October 27, the week's Monday meeting was again scheduled at my place and we celebrated Diwali together from 10 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.

* On 27th evening, all of a sudden Balaji decided to go to my friend's house. What was supposed to be a visit of half an hour gradually extended upto midnight. To my utter surprise, I got udi and Sai Baba's pictures from her which she had only received a couple of days back from Shirdi. Needless to mention how happy I was at that moment to receive them on the auspicious day.

* On 28th evening, we had a stream of guests from neighbourhood to extend Diwali greetings.

* I cannot say how delighted I was to receive calls from my dear friends.

* I was in boundless joy when I read a few words of concern. No idea why I behave like a kid sometimes.

* We are invited for a Diwali bash by our neighbour on 30th evening.

* A Diwali get-together was organised for 31st afternoon at our place. I would be missing the presence of my dear one(s) very much. However, it was a great celebration playing mafia, singing old Tamil songs, antakshari and story telling.

Our small two-bedroom flat is carpeted and hence I cannot afford to light lamps or draw rangolis outside or inside. However, I managed to make up this shortcoming with a few traditional adjustments... :)




When the colours are not available, then what for haldi and rice flour are kept in the cupboards? Here's a display of them in a thali...:)



To add flavour, kumkum and coriander powder too joined in this one...




This is how a typical Gulf Diwali is celebrated - no crackers or sparklers but only lighting of houses and hearts ... :D

Warming up the palms

There was an echo in my spastic brain
To paint with words of illumination
On the glory of lonely sun

A surreal reality it was to hear
For I felt I’m inveigled
To retrieve the forgotten thoughts

Neither did I reflect on the hotness
Nor the greatness of its presence
For I’d already become a child at heart

The glitter of calm water beds
And the display of colourful clouds
Impressed me less to record

Ah! I could see my small eyes
Looking intently at the shining particles
That roamed freely in the cozy rays

How hastily I tried to capture
The warm specks into the little palms
That was less sensitive to failures

Alas! I find very hard to write
On the bubbling innocent feelings
And the shadows of beaming past
For they can't be limited with words


Picture courtesy - www.mundofree.com/nothern_lights/hammershoi9.jpg

The Wait

Usurped by the intangible emotions
My closed eyes that embraced darkness
Let those clichés from the niche of heart

The knees that tucked my face in between
Became wet with tear droplets of longing
That bore the reverential wait with patience

Time stood still in the puddle of life
As there seemed no escape from the drama
That was reveling immensely in delight

I invented then my desire to longing
And ‘the wait’ are my chosen pleasures
To twist moments of life interesting

In love I fly

Under the bare roof of the sky
I sit amused by the twinkling stars
Studded in the black blanket of space

I wish to cross the taverns of thoughts
And creaks of unpolished heart
With the charms of stilled love

Alas! Neither heart nor mind
Obeys my commands blissfully
As they are one of rusted insane

To glitter my life of joy and pain
A smile of longing is transfixed
Along the rapturous path of love

Indeed the gentle touches of breeze
And the grilling gazes of moon
Can no longer seduce my inner horizons
For I've decided to fly in love happily

Walls n expressions

The unseen hands behind the creation
Reverberate beyond the frame
And try to paralyse my eyelids

With every step of admiration
Along the wall of inspiration
I hear the echoes of heartbeats

Among the crowd of mountains
I could feel many clouds of fear
Stagnate along the routes of walls

My eyes may exclaim aloud
At such ostentation of power
By a mere glance at the Wall Wonder

Thankfully the trampled expressions
That beautify the walls along the routes
Are not seen by me as artefacts of marvel

August Issue

Every word of Guruji is Truth, wisdom and absolutely practical. Here are the excerpts from the August issue of the newsletter.

* When I speak in the Classes, I address all, students in all stages of Sadhana; beginners to the advanced. I do not have separate classes for each category. So, I do not expect every student to understand or accept all immediately. Some day, everyone understands, perhaps.

* While speaking, teaching and training, I come across different categories of students naturally: those who understand me now, those who would understand me later and those who cannot understand me at all. I also come across groups who are behind and decades away from even the present knowledge. It is they who are stunned by the new Knowledge. When I say, there is no Rahu kala during Ashadha, they get shocked!

* In nature there is a rhythm. On this earth there are rhythms like sunrise, sunset and the seasons. Beyond this earth there are bigger rhythms. The whole solar system moving around a galaxy, the galaxies moving around a central point ... there are bigger rhythms which we do not perceive from here. Similarly, we have to establish a rhythm in our daily life. We establish our habits like eating, sleeping etc. If we build a rhythm, we tune up to the Universal Principle. If we tune-up to one rhythm here, we will be tuning up to all the rhythms in the entire Creation. We will be tuned to the Divine. It is then we will not have any problems. When we surrender to the Divine rhythm, we will have all protection, Peace, Love and Contentment. When we follow our egos, we are not in tune with these rhythms and we will have problems.

- Excerpts from the Newsletter

What if...

A few simple lines straight from the heart…


What if I cannot run along the butterfly
I can always walk slowly to enjoy its flapping

What if I cannot see those twinkling stars
I can always wear my glasses and wink in delight

What if I cannot speak eloquently on stage
I can always hear others with patience

What if I cannot draw stunning strokes
I can always use my hands to clap in awe

What if I cannot write poems of any worth
I can always capture little moments of nothings

What if I cannot dance to tap footing beats
I can always tickle my bare feet with sand and water

What if I cannot progress in intellectual pursuits
I can always travel alone in my path bravely

What if I cannot find a corner of solitude
I can always give space for others in my life

What if I cannot control my emotional tears
I can always find the breeze waiting to embrace

What if I cannot live my life of dreams
I can always count the blessings I'm bestowed

Strange realities of life

The boy had a sparkling friendly eyes and a broad infectious smile. When I first saw his photo in Mumbai, I could not digest that such a tragedy could be possible in his life. I made it a point to see this boy during my short visit to Coimbatore.

During our onward train journey of 32 hours to Coimbatore from Mumbai, our a/c compartment had seen the vibrant atmosphere of a large extended Tamil family settled in Mumbai, mixing all tongues of Tamil, English, Hindi and Marathi. My insecurity of traveling alone with my son for such a long journey was thoroughly vanquished by their non-stop chatting and eating. My ears were filled with noises all throughout.

Upon reaching Coimbatore, I was asked to reach the mandapam immediately by my mother-in-law to attend the functions related to the upanayanam of my husband’s cousin’s son. I had to fresh up having no time to take rest and rushed immediately to the function hall. The next day was the upanayanam and I had the opportunity to meet almost all of my husband’s relatives. Most of them were pleasantly surprised to see me alone with Atul and had a nice time chit chatting and heart to heart talks with some of them. My mouth and ears had a wonderful time throughout.

There was only one day left for me before leaving for Mumbai and I needed to cover visits to a few houses, a Hanuman temple and shopping with my sister-in-law. The first half of the day had been utilized for the temple visit and shopping and reached home at around 2:30 p.m. with a headache. I felt very tired to even think of the pending visits. But I don’t wish to go back on my words any day and again started off with Atul and Father-in-law. I was appreciating myself of my positive approach to pains.

When I called this boy’s mother about my visit, she requested me to come to her house after 6 p.m. as she has to bring him back from school. Well, I planned my trips accordingly, visited my friends’ families, accepted their loving hospitality, requested them for a Saridon to treat my unbearable headache and at the end entered into his house. The boy’s father is our distant relative though I remember only his parents as they used to visit us on January 1st of every year when we were in Karur. My headache was gone by the time I saw him; so also my head weight.

Let us call this 10-year old boy wonder as ‘H’. When I first saw him, I used my hand gestures to ask, “Eppadi irukka? (How are you?)” His mother immediately told me not to use any. H looked at my lips and replied, “Nalla irukken” in an unclear tone. During our conversation, I came to know that

* he could not speak because he is deaf;
* he is not supposed to communicate with sign languages as it spoils his speaking ability;
* he has to see the lip movements and reply in words;
* he is taught only one language i.e. Tamil as that is the local language and all his subjects are in Tamil only;
* even mother tongue is not taught or spoken to him;
* it is extremely difficult to teach different languages as the child may get confused;
* each and every word has to be taught repeatedly and patiently till he understands;
* whenever he commits mistakes in pronunciation (as he cannot hear the different syllables), it takes a lot of pain and effort on the mother’s side to correct him;
* it is difficult to handle him during discussions of the family matters as he wants to know each and everything;
* his syllabus comprising of Maths, Science, History & Geography is tough for his age;
* he is interested in drawing and painting and produces beautiful sketches whereas his handwriting is not good;

and so on…

I could see the understanding of his elder brother, the sacrifice, patience and love of his mother and the care of his father. I could not control my tears when I saw the beautiful smiles of the mother and the son. Atul was deeply touched by this meeting and became humble. When I asked H before leaving if he would come to Bahrain (“Bahrain varriya?”), immediately he said, “Varrein.” His father explained to him that he has to take a flight for which he said, “Enakku theriyum.” Aha! Mixture of so much innocence and knowledge emanating from his noiseless world!

Many times H could not understand my lip movements and his mother had to explain slowly in a different way. The smile on his lips never faded even for a moment. I don’t know if he understands the limitations of his life or if visits of people make him feel inferior. I can only console myself that I was extended invitations by them many times which I had honoured without fail.

The life of H is one of silence and he is taught how to make sounds diligently. It is an ongoing struggle for the boy, parents and school. Here I am in the world of sounds all the time, either at the giving or receiving end. And I wish to run towards silence even at the slightest given opportunity.

I had to handle my vow of silence with sign language and my son’s help to receive the courier yesterday (August 21, 2008). Probably, the courier personnel might have thought that I have speaking disability.

Strange are the differing perceptions, limitations, realities and goals of life!

Festivals galore

During my childhood, why childhood, even up to a few years back, I was neither philosophical nor religious.

I had always wondered at my mother’s strict adherence of religious sentiments and my father’s quiet adherence of philosophical principles. But I didn’t bother much to learn from them.

Festivals are such special occasions that (it is said) each one has a significant meaning of its own, both at religious and philosophical levels. How many times my mother would’ve told the story during Vatasavatri pooja or Anantavrata! How many times she would’ve asked us to leave arkhyam during Gokulashtami! None of the details I could remember even now. Because, at that time my only concern was the pinching hunger and the corresponding grand array of mouth watering delicacies.

Even after marriage, I refused to grow religiously or philosophically as my parents always treated me like a kid and firmly believed that I knew nothing (my mother still thinks so). When my son started growing up, I realized rudely that I too need to grow up a little. In a haphazard way, I started collecting details of the festivals with the only intention of passing on the legacy of family customs. I doubt if I would be successful but at least I’ve managed to celebrate them of late.

Memories of childhood are invariably intertwined with festivals whether we understand them or not. And I don’t want to deprive my son of its charms.

Coming to the topic, there is a beeline of festivals to celebrate…

August 15 – Varalakshmi Pooja
August 16 - Shravani (Aavani Avittam)
August 17 - Gayatri Japam
August 23 - Janmashtami
September 3 – Ganesh Chaturthi
September 14 - Anantavratam
September 30 onwards Navaratri starts…
.
.
.
.

I think the cycle of festivals shall keep me motivated to celebrate at least till my son completes his schooling and leaves me for higher education.

A few overflowing words from the brain

The 40 day trip to India (28th June to 8th Aug) was a truly memorable one. Some of the crisscrossed thoughts…

1) I could not imagine any water shortage in Mumbai. Monsoons are a must for this highly populated city. There seems to be some slackness in nature these days. No, it cannot be. It is because of man’s abuse towards nature’s wealth.

2) Mother says that I know nothing and that I don’t know how to handle myself. She is absolutely right. But am I not too old to learn at this age?

3) On the flip side, a couple of my friends think that I have an attitude problem arising out of intellectual puffiness. They too may be right. I have become more cautious of my conversational skills these days though I don’t find any intellectual acumen in me.

4) To keep a watch on my words and thoughts at least for a limited time in a week, I have decided to resume my silence on Thursdays till 1 p.m. Need to isolate myself from TV, computer, phone calls, reading, writing etc and avoid meeting people if possible during this period. But what will I do during this time?

5) Meet with my Uncle was one of the best things that had happened during this vacation. I become emotional when I think of my Shirdi trip. My Uncle has gifted me with the Satcharita (complete version) which has already become a part of my daily reading.

6) I realized that I am rebellious and submissive at wrong times. Am I hopeless to rectify?

7) When the middle aged female companion during my return train journey from Coimbatore to Mumbai told me that she took care of her paralytic mother-in-law for 15 years (as passing information and not with the intention of boasting of her service), I was awed. Greatness is more found in people of less education than the wizards. After all, no education can be greater than kindness and pure attitude of service. She had not crossed even 10th standard and got married at the age of 16 years.

8) Rajasthan tour was highly refreshing. Palaces and forts of Jaipur, Udaipur and Jodhpur – they are true architectural marvels. Employees of these palaces were a sight to see as their uniforms were traditional costumes. Some of the points that I wish to share…

• The man who took us for an elephant ride at Amber Fort had a story to say that his son was brutally killed a few years back by some vandals. He was only of Atul’s age at that time it seems. And he is managing his two kids now as his wife too has died. He had refused all offers of remarriage considering his children’s welfare.
• When we got bored of the hep restaurants, we barged into the roadside dhabas and ate our food with flies around. The food was delicious though our palate longed for home food like idli, dosa, sambar, rasam etc. It is difficult to eat rotis and highly spiced sabjis for three times a day. I realized that I too have lots of preferences. 
• Pushkar lake seemed pure and holy. Couples of all nationalities can offer their prayers and sankalp for the deceased family members here. It was a sight to see foreigners chanting Sanskrit slokas diligently. But one has to be very cautious with these pandits as they have the knack of extracting money in the name of charity. The only Brahma temple of the world is in Pushkar and I was slightly disappointed with the hygiene over there. But the hotel where we were accommodated was absolutely fantastic.
• Udaipur’s man-made Fateh Sagar lake is built with the outline of India map, as was told by the guide. We took a boat ride, went to the Jawaharlal Nehru Park, took a few snaps with the local costume. Enjoyed from a distance the glitter of the aristocratic Jagdish temple and the luxurious Lake Palace, both situated in the waters. However, The City Palace is huge and the collections are massive. I could not stop marveling the lifestyle of the Rajput Kings & Queens.
• Mount Abu has nothing new to offer except quietude. It is famous because it is the only hill resort of Rajasthan.
• At Jodhpur, a passer-by was kind enough not only to give directions how to go to RTDC but also identified our car when we were roaming in the streets blindly while he was returning home and took us there personally. What a hospitality the people of Rajasthan had exhibited throughout consistently!
• Jodhpur Fort is something that I may not forget for a long time. It is raw, huge, real & tough bringing the battles in front of my eyes.
• It is sad that we could not cover Jaisalmer and Bikaner.
• My belief that Rajasthan is full of desert is shattered when I saw the breathtaking mountains and drizzling rains. A beautiful place with rich cultural heritage and major tourist attraction it is, the state has to improve a lot as one can see the difference between rich and poor clearly.

9) On our return to Delhi from Jaipur, I managed to pick-up the much sought after book ‘The Holy Science’ in a motel art gallery. It is a miracle according to me as I lost all hopes of getting the same this time also, before leaving for Bahrain.

Overall, my India trip was good, nourishing, enriching and educative.

Now all that requires is a transformation to become a refined, diplomatic self and a growing spiritual personality.

My thoughts - Touch 1

• Sacred and scared – change in the position of ‘a’ and ‘c’ gives totally different meanings

• Working out for objectives is wiser than running behind objects

• Possessions and possessiveness – both take us nowhere

• Beatitude and beauty need not go together

• Silence is the best language for communication

• Expressions - handle them with care

* Two-way discussions are preferable to one-way discourses

* Life and death are changing chapters of my soul

* Love is mainly to share & care than to stare & bare

* 'Decent' is the most vague term I've come across

* My heart comes along wherever I go. No escape...

* Hearing and listening are different. Many don't understand this.

* I never understood how spirit could lift one's spirits.

* Is grey hair a symbolic representation of smart gray cells?

* I don't turn others my 'prey'; instead I only 'pray'

* Ironically, 'spirit' holds different meanings in 'spirituality' and 'spiritualism'

* I am very poor in listening to 'silence'

* Experiences need not bring wisdom

* My only thought is how to see the Light of my soul at the earliest

Guruji Speaks...

I was a bit restless since 1st July as the release of newsletter was delayed. Upon seeing it today online, I was greatly inspired. Here are the excerpts as usual...

//
* If a slightly complex point is presented, people complain that it is difficult to understand. If a point is simplified and presented, people grumble that it is too simple! I experienced this when I wrote about the Light Channels World Movement. I explained the Movement in a few words and mentioned a very easy way to participate. Just channel the Light and spread it around! Pass on the word to others to channel and spread the Light. Let more and more people join. Let more and more Light come down and spread around. The Light transforms the world. Brings Peace and Prosperity. Brings the New Age.

* I think, I shall explain more making the very simple Message a little more 'complex' so that more people take this more seriously ! Watch our website www.lightchannels.com.

* In my work, I come across very strange situations. I am used to this. I have been trained to counter the unusual and the impossible. I am never shocked, never surprised. May be, amused a bit. But, I am never discouraged.

* Many times, people request us to help their friend or relative. Remember that the Rishis always help. For the Rishis, there is no difference between a Meditator and a non-meditator. But if you really want to help your friend, ask him to take up Meditation. You will be doing much more than help. To help your friend's problem in isolation, it involves interfering with his Karmas. To get all the help, not just a solution for the specific problem, the individual has to begin meditating. That would be the real help.

* When people face problems, they do not understand what causes them. They think they are being judged and punished, which is not true. We attract effects of our own actions. That is the reality. Even at such times the Rishis help. They go out of the way to help people. Most of you are already aware of this.

* Let us understand negativity clearly. When a person gets angry, it is not a negative act. We have to get angry at any act of Adharma. But when we quarrel in anger, we develop hatred. Then the anger becomes negative. So, mere anger is not negative. What makes it negative is the intent. When a doctor performs surgery, he cuts with a knife and inflicts pain. But the intent is to help the patient. The same knife can be used to attack a person.

* Whenever I met my Guru, he would almost always talk about the ego. He said if we can remove the ego, our Sadhana is almost over. Over the years, I have realized how true it is. He said, "Ego is the one which is between us and God. If we remove the ego, we experience God." Ego comes not only between us and God, it comes between the Sadhak and the Guru and also between individuals. Ego is such a thing, it bloats itself and blinds us. I have seen the ego ruining people. It creates illusions. It makes us think we are at the top of the world spiritually while perhaps we are not even at the bottom. That is why demolishing the ego is the first step in Sadhana and I always help in this process. Sometimes I do it consciously and deliberately. It may hurt the individual in that moment but I am always trying to help.

//

Miles and miles to go in my solo journey called 'Life'.

My factual fives

Me has tagged me to reveal a few fives about myself.

“The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.”

(1) What were you doing 5 years ago?
I was working for a non-profit organization in Bahrain.

(2) What are 5 things on your to-do list for today?
I am on vacation now. I don’t want to prepare a to-do list today.

(3) What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
Generally I don’t prefer snacks. If at all I feel so, I would love to have either
- Bhel puri
- Masala papad
- Masal vada


(4) What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?
- Go on a world tour
- A visit to space:D
- Open homes for the needy
- Donate to poor deserving bright students to study medical, engineering or any other field of their interest
- Encourage young artists and talented personalities

(5) What are five jobs you’ve had?
As a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, colleague etc, will I not continue to work ceaselessly till I lay?

Visitors – please feel free to get tagged.

Want to know me better?

Me has once again tagged me to reveal my deep dark secrets of my heart. Well, let me let out a few…

1) I must have been studying in 3rd or 4th grade and Tamil was my second language. I was not the topper of the class but managed to score good marks always. During one such exams too, I had scored good marks in all subjects except Tamil. She asked me, “How much have you scored in Tamil?” I said, “44”. She asked me, “Why have you scored so low?” I coolly answered, “After all, it’s Tamil. That much is enough.” Oops… my angelic mother couldn’t bear my attitude and hit me left, right and centre on my bare body with a plastic cricket bat lying nearby. I didn’t shed a drop of tear then. Instead I told her in the end, “Wait. When appa comes, I’ll tell him what you did.” Now I can laugh thinking about it. :)

2) During my childhood, I could not mix up with strangers easily. I used to be the pet of all teachers in school as I never talked in the class. If a visitor entered our house, I would sit silently in the verandah alone till they leave.

3) I won’t lie even for a joke since my childhood. I prefer to stay away from liars. It is not because of their lies but only because I may not do full justice when I interact with them.

4) I had deep interests in arts of all forms but never had the opportunity to learn / master any.

5) I used to dream with eyes wide open; skies and clouds and birds and beasts and every great and small touched my heart. I was comfortable with nature than with people. But I had to work really hard to break my attitude towards the latter. Not that I am better now.

6) I wanted to become a doctor. The white coat still fascinates me.

7) My greatest disadvantage is, I believe in what others say – word by word. It is easy to cheat me.

8) I am strong willed and have stood calamities with tearless eyes. However, I cry when I am overcome with simple emotions.

9) A word given is given.

10) I struggle hard to write every single piece of work but many have told that I am gifted and blessed claiming that I’m intelligent. I chuckle every time I hear this lie.

11) I am a rebel at heart but not a critic of others’ beliefs. I believe in rebirths and law of karma.

12) I am waiting to see my spirit face to face one day. :)


I have none to tag at the moment. So, whosoever reads this and wishes to get tagged, they are most welcome.

Rails of relationship

Beneath the willows of cheerful memories
My chins reflect a somber look and eyes moist

In a battle with eyelids to hold the ocean of emotions
My soul shrieks with the fear of parting your being

The endless chatter that bound our sensible nonsense
Laughs aloud in echoes from the destined past

Not a secret resides between you and me so far
Leaving the world blissfully ignorant of our closeness

As you move on with the exciting chapters of life
You’ll see me wallowing on this bank holding your spirit

'Moments of life are always lenient with meeting and parting’
Engraving thus in my heart I always pray for your welfare

I don’t ask of your kindness to think of me sometimes
For I know our rails of relationship cannot be separated
In our individual travel towards eternal abode

Show me yourself soon...

Running away from the doldrums
I held your hand very tightly
For a long walk along the countryside

Hearing the humming of bees
I saw you freezing in silence
Merging with the harmony of flowers

Forcing me to toss the footwear in air
You made me wonder at your walk
On those slender fern with tender care

Enjoying the breeze that blew across
Your angelic face expressed beatitude
That tied me up with emotions unexpressed

Walking and talking, playing and singing
We spent time together along with Brownie
Only to fall asleep out of tiredness

How well do I remember that day still
Wherein I rested on you peacefully
Realising the unpolluted love for once

How much do I yearn to be with you now
When the nights’ darkness has unleashed
Its fears and pains of this abysmal world?

Show me yourself soon……..
I have spoken to the wind to be gentle
When my bare feet go for a leisurely walk
Once again to match your soft paces & innocent looks

Guruji Speaks...

I am thoroughly moved by Guruji's words. How could I afford to miss this newsletter on June 1st itself? His words have rippling effects in my mind everytime I read. They are simple yet very powerful. I could feel his protective grace as I try to read them again and again. Let us assimilate what he has said in this newsletter...

//
* We talk about the Divine often but not about the human as if the human is not worth talking. If we really understand what is Spiritual and contemplate seriously on it, we realise that being human is being Spiritual. What is “being human”. It is simply being good, honest, compassionate, helpful, sharing, accommodating and peaceful. It is also being emotional, sentimental and thoughtful without being worried. It is also getting angry when we are confronted with injustice, feeling sad with partings and getting excited on life's natural joyful occasions. It is wondering at every sunset and moonrise. All these, believe me, make a person Spiritual. We are living in the human plane. Being human is natural and Spiritual. This part is not clearly understood. We have been conditioned to believe that Spirituality is devoid of emotion, sentiment and laughter. This is entirely wrong. Only when we take Spirituality seriously and connect to the Core, the God, do we realise that being human is the first step; the first lesson; the first Transformation. It is Divinity, afterwards. Without becoming human, we cannot become Divine.

* The time has arrived for a big global endeavour to establish Peace and Love on this earth. The leaders do not do it. They do not have the urge and vision. But, we, the ordinary people can do it. This endeavour is the greatest Movement ever built up. It is just bringing down the Light from the subtler realms and spreading around. The Light has everything. Peace, Love and Future. Anyone and everyone can participate in this great Movement. This is not a religious activity but a Spiritual Movement without boundaries. No sermons, no preachings, no banners, no fund-raising and no institutions. It is just a Great Wave of Light.

* Please begin the Movement from you. Just become aware of an ocean of Light above you in the subtler realm. You may not see it. But it is there. Imagine or intend it to enter you and spread around. Just channel the Light. Do it when you wake up, when you go to bed and whenever you find time for seven minutes. And pass on the message in any and every way possible. Speech, Blogs......You know.

* There are many beautiful people around us, in the world. They will realise the importance of this Movement of Light without any persuasion and elaboration. Because, the Intelligence that is prompting me to initiate this, is also present in others, in everyone. Let us bring and spread more and more Light. Let us live in Light and Love.

* Cyclones and Earthquakes bring tragedies of death and suffering. But the bigger tragedy is the non-love and neglect of the authorities.

* Taking a stand, having a strong opinion is very important. Such issues could be at the level of the family, society, nation or mankind. We must choose and have the anger in us against Adharma. We have to reject the injustice at the levels of emotion, intellect and soul. When we do this, we will be vibrating our opinion, our protest. If many people choose and vibrate like this, it becomes a wave, a field of energy that establishes Dharma. People then cannot practise Adharma. There will be a revolution. This is the Spiritual revolution that my Guru spoke about and I have been speaking about. We participate in the Spiritual revolution by choosing the right and expressing our anguish, anger against Adharma. It is only then we will be entering the New Age naturally.

* In this Path, we teach what is possible to practise. The Rishis have devised this Path in such a way that anyone can pick up and practise. We need not change the way we live. We need not give up anything, even the so called bad habits. My Guru said, when the leaves are dry, they fall by themselves. This Path is based on Love and Light.

* When we see the world as imperfect human beings, we find fault with everyone and everything because we have all those things in us. As we advance in Meditations, we do not see the faults at all. If we cannot experience the goodness in ourselves and others, we can never experience God. From a long time we have been taught that Vairagya means renouncing everything, Spirituality means running away from life. Do not miss experiencing anything that is beautiful in you. There are so many beautiful things in us. Somehow we keep them aside and we manifest only what is ugly. Experience the goodness and beauty in you; experience the same in nature and in others. Let us never forget that we are all Divine.

//

I am all tears after reading this. Of course, positive emotions. My humble obeisance at His Feet.

Tagged by Me

Normally I enjoy the tag games from a distance as I am a person who stays in the shell and silence most of the times. Having tagged by Impulsively Me, I am too glad to honour her request.

Here I go...


*Last Movie You Saw In The Theater
Billa - a Tamil movie

*Which Book(s) Are You Reading?
Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda (nth read)

*Favourite Board Game
Scrabble

*Favourite Smells
After-bath baby
Smell of sand when the first drops of rain touches the soil
and many

*Favourite Sound
Silence, Silence, Silence
Nature's therapeutic sounds
Baby's laughter
Puppy's bow-wow
....
....

*Worst Feeling In The World
When the person whom I love hurts me deliberately

*Favourite Fast Food Place
Not interested

*Finish This Statement: If I had a lot of money, I'd...
First thing, I'll arrange for my visas and tickets for a lavish & leisurely world tour. :) Simultaneously, I shall be of financial help to near, dear, far and unknown ones.

*Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No but don't mind if I have one

*Storms - Cool or Scary?
Scary

*If you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be?
My hair colour (brownish black)

*Future Child's Name
I have one already. No plans for another one

*Do you drive fast?
I don't drive

*One nice thing about the person who sent this to you
I was stunned by Me's language skills and expressions when I read her first poem for the poetry contest that I hosted. I was really surprised when she invited me to visit her new blogspot. Out of the crowd, she extended her elegant hand to me to join LiL. Her candid comments in LiL make me laugh many times and am getting to know her dearly. :) God bless her always. (Me, I have told not one nice thing but many) :)

*What's under your bed?
Books

*Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yes, of course. I know that I have to be born again and I have no regrets about my life and experiences

*Morning person or night owl?
Both. I sleep for only 5 hours per day :)

*Over easy or Sunny side up?
Sunny side up

*Favourite place to relax
In the bedroom hugging a pillow with a book in hand

*Favourite Pie
I don't like pies

*Favourite ice cream flavours
Kulfi

*Of all the people you have tagged this to, who is most likely to respond first?
I am going to tag my one and only dear friend, Latha who blogs frequently. :D

In memory of my Father...

May 17 is my late Father’s birthday. He left his near and dear ones 11 years back. I feel like writing a few words….


Into the abysmal void of creation
You vanished in need of integration
Rolling the dice of my years with you
I reminisce on the principles that bound you

Never a harsh word neared your tongue
Never the anger touched your mind
Never the truth relaxed out of tiredness
Never the kindness stabbed your chest

Proud was I in taking up your features
Glad was I to be inspired by your silence
But never you taught me how to lead my life
At times of heart’s trials and mind’s wanderings

All I learnt looking at you
Is to maintain silence at times of crises
All I need to learn still
Is to spread love at times of pain

I know you are watching me even in darkness
I know you are blessing me with all kindness
I know you forgive my misgivings with a smile
I know you beg the Eternal Father to hold my hands

I am disconnected

I stand apart from…
Trodden thoughts
Honeyed feelings
Disturbing emotions
Choking pleasures
Spoiling gestures

I watch as a witness…
Faces of all ages
Soothing and killing words
Relations broken and alive
Praises and curses
Truth and untruth

I wish to…
Run wild in the open
Sing along coarsely
Dance to the beat
Travel the world alone
Stand mutely in a corner
Hug a flower softly

I feel so strong
Loving and forgiving
Smiling and laughing
All embracing
Like the expanse of the sky
For once
I am disconnected
From emotions & intelligence

A will to live...

Trampled by the green shores of memories
I turned around once to see the footprints of feelings

Choked by the brown mounds of bygones
I stumbled down to get a hold on loose sands beneath

Storm of tears thrashed my sight in a hurry
For the beaten heart awaited my signal to stop

My red blood ran all over my being in confusion
As if conscious of my decision to commit suicide

A cosmic dissolution occurred in my mind’s eye
Blinding my rational thinking and poise

Even as I struggled hard to stow my life force
Pastels of stray, painful thoughts played in random

Unaware of the sunrises that washed my face
I grounded on the beach as a senseless weakling

A vision of objects floating in the cosmos
Whirled past me without any base to hold

I realized in a flash amidst the orderly motions -
Intimacy in relationships causes only pain

Holding my broken heart with two hands
Now I resume my solitary walk with a will to live…


This is my contribution for Contest Week 22.

http://meerajay.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/04/express-yourself-contest-22.htm

Guruji speaks...

Every month, I eagerly await the publication of newsletter. I derive immense inspiration and strength inside when I read them. This enables me to face the world outside with a smile. I have recorded a four line poem in Lifeinlines today morning after reading the newsletter.

Here are the glimpses of Guruji's wisdom...

* A journalist asked me, “when we have entered the twenty first century and are living an advanced life, why are you taking people back to Meditations and old centuries ?” I told him that Meditation is the way of the present and the future centuries also. There was no time for further explanation. He had no time. The media has no time for understanding and explaining greater truths. To explain, one has to understand first. To understand, one has to have time.

The media spends so much of time on murders and scams. It has no time for Meditation !

* When I am entering my seventieth year, so much of work that I have to complete stares at me, teases me and challenges me. And I never shied away from challenges!

* It takes some time for many to accept that Spirituality is different from religion. Similarly, Sadhana is different from the Work of God. Sadhana is a personal occupation and involves the individual's growth while the Work involves everyone. When we take up the work seriously, it involves everything in this Creation and Sadhana takes a backseat. Those who are involved in the work are aware of this and may not find time even to meditate. But the Work has its own rewards. Even then, people who take up the work seriously should not neglect Meditations. But they should feel confident that they are doing the Work of God.

* If you believe in any path, go ahead and follow it. Do not stop. If you have belief in anything, please go ahead and follow it. When you reach the end of the road, you will reach the same goal. We may not have enough courage to pursue even the path that we believe in. If you are sincere, go ahead. If we believe in a bit of this and a bit of that, there will be confusion and wastage of time.

* We give too much importance to human relations and interactions, which sometimes bring us pain. A person who takes up Sadhana should try to minimize the relations and expand or shift them to some other area. Try to relate to nature, trees, plants, even inanimate objects. There will be absolutely no unpleasantness or pain.

* Freewill and destiny are inseparable. Because we had freewill, we broke the laws and because we broke the laws and accumulated the Karmas or the effects, we created our destinies. Since we continue to have the freewill, we can undo these effects and create another destiny.

My humble prostrations unto His Feet!

Motherhood

I am deeply touched by a poem shared by my friend today which reveals her beautiful true self. The original is written in Kannada and upon my request, she translated the same in English in just 10 mins.

With her permission, I am reproducing the same here to make it a part of my whispering thoughts.


Motherhood by Vimala P Kumar

'Motherhood' is not confined only to women...
'Motherhood' does not differentiate male and female
'Motherhood' does not have the compulsion of 9 months...
'Motherhood' is a feeling of heart... not a position...

Those who have patience like earth...
Heart like milk...
Kindness as God...
Innocent feelings like a child...
All those beings are entitled to become a mother...
All can become a mother from the depth of their heart...


Original in Kannada

ತಾಯ್ತನವು ಹೆಣ್ಣು ಜೀವಿಗೆ ಮಾತ್ರ ಸೀಮಿತವಲ್ಲ
ತಾಯ್ತನಕೆ ಗಂಡು ಹೆಣ್ಣೆಂಬ ಭೇದವದಿಲ್ಲ
ತಾಯ್ತನಕೆ ನವಮಾಸ ಗರ್ಭ ಕಟ್ಟಳೆಯಿಲ್ಲ
ತಾಯ್ತನವು ಮನಸಿನನುಭವವು, ಪದವಿಯಲ್ಲ

ಭೂಮಿಯಂದದಿ ಸಹನೆ, ಹಾಲಿನಂತಹ ಹೃದಯ
ದೈವದಂದದಿ ಕರುಣೆ, ಮುಗ್ಧ ಮಗುವಿನ ಮನಸು
ಇರುವ ಪ್ರತಿ ಮನುಜನೂ ತಾಯಾಗಲರ್ಹನು
ತಾಯಾಗಿ ಎಲ್ಲರೂ ಮನದಾಳದಿಂದ

God bless you my dear friend!

Sight of a might

You might visibly notice
The communication of muscles
Within my athletic feet and arms
Expressing my might openly

The rough rock that sits tall
Under my body of stone
Refuses to absorb any shocks
That rock my heart invisible

The naked truth that tickles me
Is this black posture of thinking
For eons as decided by the creator
As it troubles my naked display of thoughts

I’ve already realized inwardly
Thanks to a man of frail build -
Meek is not the symbol of weak
But the only need to reach the peak

Move away your eyes elsewhere
As I’m tired of your gazing thoughts
I’m neither a man of mighty inspiration
Nor the only marvel of sculpture in sight



My contribution for Contest No.21
http://binagupta.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/04/contest-no-21.htm

I know...

I know I am no longer a kid
For there’s an inborn fear
Deep down the spine
Only of life’s positives

Happiness that may disappear
Togetherness that may scatter
Words of love that may deceive
Hands of friendship that may drag

I do not wish to breathe
The aroma of such a life
For they’re mere illusions
For I’m brave to shatter them all

I’ve seen scenes of red stains
For hours together with frozen eyes
Scattered on the walls of my home
As unruffled witnesses of destiny

Education is a mere mockery
As it fails to show me graceful life
There’s none to escape my sharp eyes
As I am trained to kill by sound



Ah! There’s someone crushing the leaves
Why my comrade is not alert like me?
Wow! I see a tiger skinned piglet walking
Alongside the protective mammal

Earlier my silence to respect the language
Was always compensated by the echoes of artillery
This time my speech is revived to enjoy
The rarest display of faith and love

Now I know I am only a kid
For there’s an inborn fear
Developing deep down the spine
Of losing life’s positives



This is my entry for Weekly Contest No.20

http://ajitnambiar.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/04/sulekha-contest-no-20-faith.htm

The article that spoke about ‘wisdom’

It looks like my brain has emptied itself from ideas and vocabulary of late. Earlier I used to have a volley of thoughts that demanded me to write down but nowadays I give a simple, blank stare. Stare – yes, I mean it. Do not assume that it is out of wisdom, for I know very well that it cannot be earned or thrust overnight onto my little brain. The simple reason is, I’ve become more rusted, hopeless and mentally lazy.

To offset my mental indolence and rejuvenate my spirits, I turned the pages of Atul’s school text books. I was awed by an article written by Sudha Murthy, which is a part of English curriculum (CBSE syllabus) of 7th standard. It is about her visit to Orissa and in particular, a village named Kalahandi. The name Kalahandi brought me frames of ‘Gods must be crazy’ fame Kalahari. Anyway, this Kalahandi is habituated by tribal people who are equally ignorant about the happenings of the world, as per the article. Now, continue reading the article….


//
I next met an old man. I say old, but again it was impossible to guess his age by his looks. During our conversation, he recalled certain events and occasions from which we concluded that he was about 104 years old!

I got into a lively conversation with this gentleman. I asked him, ‘Who is ruling our country?’

For him ‘country’ clearly meant Kalahandi. He looked at me and smiled at my ignorance.

‘Don’t you know?’ he said. ‘It is a company sarcar that is ruling our country.’ He meant of course the East India Company. The old man was not aware that India had become independent.

I showed him some Indian currency and the Ashoka Chakra emblem. He was not impressed. He said, ‘That is just a piece of paper. How can you look at it and tell who is ruling us? It is “Goriwali Rani” who is ruling us.’

I knew that the barter system was very important to the tribal people. So I asked about it. ‘Do you know this small piece of paper can buy firewood, lots of sarees, bags of salt and plenty of matchsticks?’ I remarked.

He looked at me sympathetically and said: ‘For this paper, people fight, go away from our ancestral land, leave our forest and go to the cities? Without that piece of paper, have we not led a complete life? Our ancestors did. We are children of God settled here happily without this paper. This is God’s land. Nobody owns this land. No river has been created by us. The wind does not listen to us. The rain does not ask our permission. These are gifts of God. How we can ‘sell’ or ‘buy’ land, I do not understand. When nothing is yours then how can you make such transactions? This little paper of yours can turn life upside down.’

I had no words by way of reply. Until that moment, I was convinced that I knew more than he did.

We know about currency movements, political parties, about the difference between Bill Gates and Bill Clinton. Here was a man who knew none of these, yet knew that nobody owned the land, the mountains or the wind.

Who is more civilized – this wizened old man in the Kalahandi forest or those of us with our fingers on the pulse of the Internet?

//

The article is rightly titled ‘An Old Man’s Ageless Wisdom’.

My sincere thanks to the author and the education board authorities for taking this ageless wisdom to the young minds. Both parents and children need to learn that wisdom has nothing to do with one's education or literacy level or intellectual brilliance.

A week of wonderful moments

Thanks to my generous husband for sponsoring our trip to Cochin, Atul and I along with other members of our group, left Bahrain on March 21, 2008. Ah! I forgot to mention about the camp, is it not? It's a week-long spiritual camp organized by Chinmaya Society, Bahrain from 21-28 March, 2008 at Chinmaya International Foundation, Adi Shankara Nilayam, Veliyanad, a couple of hours drive from Cochin Airport.

With our limited bags and baggage, 14 children and 7 sevikas boarded Jet Airways flight in the morning hours of 21st March, displaying our blue jacket and ID cards attracting attention of passers-by and even immigration authorities, both at Bahrain and Cochin.

On 22nd March, 2008, we all played Holi in the ashram.
Having gone to Cochin, life is a waste if one hadn’t enjoyed Alleppey’s boat cruise… We went for a boat ride on 23rd March morning and were served hot appam and stew by in-house crew. The bedrooms were inviting to lie down but our team was more involved in dancing and singing. With my left knee pain, I enjoyed watching their performances with peals of laughter.

See the heaven on earth…… I was supposed to have reached heaven (or hell???) by now but still alive by His grace. We were walking on a low wall which separated the deep backwaters on one side and plush green trees on the other side, to drink tender coconut. In order to avoid straining my left knee, I kept a wrong foot and lo! instantly I fell on the right side (ground part). Had my fall been in the water, I would have viewed the sea world at least once ‘live’ before dissolving in the cosmos for ever! The simple reason is, I don’t know swimming. :D



Also visited Chottanikara devi temple (Did I cry seeing the Divine Mother? Yes, I did inwardly and uncontrollably) and one Vishnu temple and a Shiva temple. Temples in Kerala are so different from TN or North Indian temples. One needs to be fit and fine healthwise to pay a visit.

On 26th, we all made a visit to ashram gardens and did tree plantations as well. The pledge was taken by the sevikas to maintain the spirit.

In the evening of 27th March, we had valedictory function and cultural program. I was the M.C. (hehehe…). The kids performed a skit ‘Be Victorious’, ‘Dandiya dance’, Vedic Chanting, Bhajans, Presentation of Values etc.

Along with the above, we all learnt Vedic texts, bhajans, dasavatharam stothrams & stories etc. Children experienced a glimpse of ashram life and synchronized themselves perfectly with the atmosphere [Footwear to be arranged in order, chanting of slokas before and after food, washing of one’s plate, cups and glasses to be taken care of them, availability of food only at the ringing of bell, chanting of sloka to improve memory power, meditation on breathing etc etc].

Enjoyment is fine. But have I carried the values with me? Hope I am honest when I answer ‘yes’ to this question one day.

Finally, to spice up, Atul was flying high since 27th evening as soon as he got the message from his Dad that he stood first in his class. It was a pat on my back as well, for I too have studied equally with him. :D

Showcase

Amazing is your brilliance, O MAN
To see me in you for theories of your evolution

During my jungle wanderings I’ve met
Your clan of selfishness and articulate gimmicks
Defining the logic of reasoning and rationale

During my adventures to cities I’ve seen
Your race of brutal violence and intolerance
Exhibiting mal-nutritious positive emotions

During my surprise visits to houses I’ve witnessed
Your people indulging in heartless, weird gossips
Leaving behind ugly trails of restlessness and mistrust



You smile and eat and walk and breed
Just like me but more refined displaying your orderly brain
O MAN, I am the origin of your clan, isn’t it?

If evolution is for betterment, how can I be linked with you
To clear this one doubt that haunts me day & night
I am looking at my picture in your showcased book

Sshhhhhh….. stay away from me for a while
For my feelings may be showcased more loudly
Upon seeing theories of your evolution


This write is my response to Express Yourself Contest Week 19 - Feelings.

http://ehsaas.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/03/express-yourself-contest-week-19-feelings.htm

O my darling! (Face 3)

Distinctly admiring you were
That I cared to keep a big black dot
On your left cheek everyday
To ward off evil eyes that fell on you
O my darling! Are you tired today?

Mischievously wonderful you were
Messing up the house as a toddler
Singing ‘Mama’ ‘Mamaaaaaa’
‘Maa…’ and ‘mmmmm…’ the whole day
O my darling! Do you want to have anything?

A great story teller you are
Your expressive blabbers on pictures and
Innovative adventures with footwear
Are captured in frames in thousands
O my darling! Will you put your head on my lap?

The cars and bats, bricks and books
Lamps and plants, crayons and paper
All have a touching incident to narrate
The intelligence of my boy wonder
O my darling! Have you slept already my dear?

There is never a dull moment
In my life since your grand arrival
For God hath blessed me to be your mother
Though I am not the best you’ve got
O my darling! Will you remember me for ever?


P.S. I am shocked to read the following news item in today’s (10/03/2008) Gulf Daily News:

A newborn baby was found abandoned in a cardboard box next to a municipality garbage bin in Hamad Town, it emerged yesterday. The boy, believed to be a few days old, was discovered near Roundabout Seven by garbage collectors in the early hours of Saturday.

Bahrain is a place where pregnancy preventive measures are available whereas abortion is not. This news is highly disturbing for me because such incidents are a rarity here. Hence incoherent thoughts cross my mind…

• How will the mother be able to lead a peaceful life after abandoning her baby? Let us not ignore the fact that she took great care in keeping the baby in a cardboard box in spite of her compelling situation.
• How did she manage to hide her pregnancy and subsequent delivery?
• Is illegal abortion far better than abandoning the illegal new born baby?
• So many couples are dying to have a baby and are ready to undergo painful processes of artificial insemination, test tubes and surrogacy (in the extreme level). But accidental conceiving and abandoning are also happening side by side. Strange is the law of life….
• Why is the baby punished for no fault of his?

Urged by the overflowing emotions, I penned down the third part of ‘O my darling’ in haste. It is a sweet talk of a mother to her adopted child.

Maha Shivratri

The image of Shiva was never a part of our altar. One probable reason could be we were Vishnu followers. It doesn’t mean that our parents worshipped only Vishnu and the many avatars. The irony was Durga, Ganesha and Muruga found their places in our home whereas neither Shiva nor Linga could. No Rudram or Chamakam were chanted at home and I had never heard them until a few years ago.

But our visits to Shiva temple were quite regular and abhishekams were conducted from time to time. In fact, my parents conducted nagar pratishta in Shiva temple only. I remember how much I liked going to the temple to enjoy the ambience of the big area covered with trees, the big Nandi, Linga, Nayanmars etc. We were advised not to carry even vibhoothi from the temple as it is said, “Shivan sothu kula naasam”. As a young girl, how fascinated I used to be seeing the small idols of nayanmars kept in the line and wondered what on earth they were kept there and why they were the only privileged ones to see Lord Shiva. Well, when I think about them, I could only chuckle.

When we visited Murudeshwar temple near Udipi last July (2007), I was stunned by the beauty, grace and poise of the tall Shiva statue. The temple is constructed in the sea and it is a wonderful sight to see those waves lashing on one side and the Shiva on the other side (see picture above).

Shiva is an embodiment of compassion and love. Whenever I see His picture, I become so humble. The whole universe is at His mercy yet His simplicity makes me realize how petty I am. So, today being Maha Shivratri, I wish to spend my time more usefully that generates positive energy in and around.

Om Namashivaya!

Moods of pain

My teary eyes and burning heart
Fired up the cool autumnal pond
Sending waves of failures of love
Pain was infectious…

Those fresh lotus petals turned together
To see the elegant lady who was charring
Their lives of beauty to ashes
Pain demanded attention…

One dared to touch my red eyes
In a bid to soothe my flaming being
And asked for reason with compassion
Pain expected sympathy…

Brought home the pink flower
To narrate my story of baseless love
That bent my will beyond imagination
Pain had tall tales…



Looking at my face on the mirror of no magic
I decided to disintegrate the radiating beauty
And merge in the blue canvas of cosmos
Pain could not be erased…

From behind the curtains of rainbow memories
His handsome face emerged effortlessly
That thrust me in the corner sobbing
Pain yearned to brood…



Like a single leaf left alone in a storm
I shivered upon those besmeared words
That boiled my brain only to end in swoon
Pain was unbearable…

Woke up with the tap of lotus
That wanted me to smile awhile
And feel the purity of love around
Pain stood aside…


P.S. This is my contribution for 'Express Yourself Contest Week 16'
Picture courtesy - reflector

The ultimatum

Ruptured window of my car
Testified the storm outside
And a glimpse of ferocity

Touching the lines of partition
My eyes noticed water lines
Dripping near my feet

Shifting my gaze to the glass
I extended my vision to the sky
In a limitless velocity

Refusing to erase or get razed
My past mocked in unison
To claim a seat of beat

Reasoning my being of presence
I realised my body in shackles
That became my goal of pain

Held up in the land of known
I raised my voice for help
To avoid the cruel death pavilion

None saw the storm raging inside
As my deeds were mistaken for
A stain in my life of vain

Piercing those solid glass pieces
My soul succumbed to the ultimatum
And flew joyfully towards the oblivion


P.S. This is my contribution for Poetry Contest Week 15
Picture courtesy - Supriya

One of the unforgettable moments – a quick look back

The day I was informed of my mother’s illness and her serious condition, I packed a small baggage of clothes and flew to Mumbai immediately. Never gave a thought how my son and husband would manage without me, given the fact the erratic work timings of my husband. At that time, I didn’t know that I would return home only after two months but victorious.

Amma developed an imbalance in oxygen and carbon-dioxide ratio in her blood, due to which she was literally kissing death every day of her stay in ICU for 22 days. My sisters did come and stay for a week or 10 days but their work schedule back in Chennai could not allow them beyond that.

Amma’s fair hands and thighs became black due to blood tests conducted twice a day. I had to cut her thick, long hair short out of compulsion (of course with her permission in a semi-conscious state) as it was becoming unmanageable to comb what with all the tubes around. Still she was grace personified.

It was my brother and I, who accompanied Amma back from the hospital in a semi-conscious condition on the evening of 22nd January, 2007. My brother had to join duty on 23rd as he had already taken leave for more than a month.

I was left all alone to manage my mother. In fact, the doctors had clearly stated that there might not be any improvement in her condition and that she may have to live in this condition for the rest of her life, given her weight and age factors.

A sudden shrill went through my spine – what if I goof up something, what if I sleep in the night when her oxygen cylinder becomes empty, what if I don’t set her bipap properly, what if she doesn’t respond to whatever I do or give, what if I don’t hear when she cries for my help……. endless sleepless nights and nightmares or it looked so…….

She responded beautifully to my hand of care. In fact, I treated her like my little child. I was thrilled to see the improvements in her everyday, which I would report to my brother promptly in the night. She was positive to my encouraging words.

I was overjoyed every time when she could grasp a spoon with shaking hands, a glass of water with spillage here and there, medicines swallowed as whole instead of powdering them, sitting on the bed then falling on the bed immediately, her first failed and faltered step, her stepping out of the bedroom with my support, her satisfied look upon sitting on the sofa of the living room, her renewed interest at the television serial, her supported walk to bathroom, her reaction to the first droplets of water that fell on her……

It was a miracle, so said the doctors. It was all possible because of

• prayers of well wishers
• mother’s positive thinking
• brother’s unconditional support
• my son’s understanding
• my husband’s kind gesture

She is now without oxygen support, walks on her own inside the house and lives a cheerful life.

God is all merciful that He wants her children to enjoy the love of at least one parent for some more time as my father died 11 years back.


P.S. This article is written only from my point of view

Guruji speaks...

* When we contemplate, we must allow a thought to lead us to the borders of the intellect. We must then pursue the Truth beyond the level of thought and grasp the Truth intuitively. If we go on analyzing, we will be stuck at the level of thought and we will not be able to understand the Truth.

* We should not confuse contemplation with endless analysis, which sometimes leads to perversion that takes us away from our goal. In contemplation there will be absolutely no agitation or disappointment because we do not seek anything.

* We must accept the human aspect of our life. We have to be human before we can be Divine. It is natural to emote, get disappointed, cry, laugh etc. but these are normally seen as weaknesses and condemned. From this level we have to rise and divinise. Once we are human, becoming Divine is very easy.

* We should not reject the so called material life. There is no such thing as a material life and a Spiritual life. Everything is Spiritual. Taking care of a child, working properly anywhere, earning money rightfully are all Spiritual acts. What is not Spiritual here? We should never neglect any part of life. Every bit of life is Spiritual.

* We must consciously expand our thoughts, emotions and our awareness and stop thinking in a narrow way. We should stop emoting only for ourselves. If we cannot place ourselves in the shoes of those suffering anywhere in the world, we cannot consider ourselves to be Spiritual. If there is nothing we can do, let there be rage against Adharma. These vibrations will have their impact.

* Try to become aware of the vastness of the ocean or the earth. After experiencing this, you cannot behave in a small way. If you have a kingdom and if someone asks for it, you will just give it away.

* Equanimity is Yoga . Any imbalance causes upheavals. An imbalance in the flow of energies in the Nadis will cause a disturbance in health. If there is imbalance in our Spiritual and material activities, we will have problems. If there is imbalance in our emoting and reasoning, there will be no peace of mind. An imbalance in our knowledge and practice will disturb our Sadhana.

* In silence there is activity. When there is silence at the level of the body, there is activity at the level of mind and intellect. When there is silence in the body and mind, there is activity in the intellect. When there is silence in all these levels, there is activity at the level of the soul. And if there is silence at the level of the soul, there is activity at the level of the Super-soul.

* We ask for things and we get them most of the times. When we do not get what we ask for, we have to wonder whether we are asking for the right thing. If in spite of repeated requests, God does not give us a particular thing, then we have to accept that not getting what we ask for is the right thing. We must remember always that God is wise and knows what is best for us. If we make Him a companion, we can understand this easily but we put Him away in photos and temples instead.

* A 'Sthita Pragna' is a person who is always smiling and not someone who does not emote and remains like a stone. We are human beings first. Let us be very happy and proud about that. We have come down to this plane just to be human beings, not gods. We were gods. We have come here to go through the human experience. Let us not be ashamed of this.

* The essence of spirituality is, not holding on to anyone or anything. We should not hold on to even pain and memories. You must allow them to just glide back to their proper places.



Excerpts from the February 2008 Newsletter

O my darling! (Face 2)

Gales are raging outside
Sand is blown all over the roads
You are resting cozily in my arms
O my darling! Will you open your eyes?

Rattles are yearning for your bash
Blabbers are what I want to hear
You are an angel of this house
O my darling! Will you wake up with a giggle?

Hold my hands tightly for a shower
Dance without rhythms and power
You are bathing in all splendour
O my darling! Will you quickly end your play?

Baby smell of your skin is a wonder
None can beat your softness dear
You are lovely and joyful ever
O my darling! Will you drink your milk fully?

I don’t count my kisses on you
I can’t live without your laughs
You are the best gift I’ve ever got
O my darling! Will you call me ‘mama’ soon?


P.S. This picture is uploaded only for an inspirational write.

Sing alone in the silence of love

Cuddling my beautiful body of wonder
I refuse to leave my man of larceny
Who adored my being of purity

Visualizing myself on a forest bed
I recall among the rustles of dried leaves
Those noiseless chatters of our eyes

Thrilling flies of butterflies arise
At the dance of soft hair caressing my neck
As his thought jeopardize my stomach

Feeling cold I try to cover up my feet
Which quiver awhile beyond my control
For I recollect they were his object of adoration

A sweet sensation of love tickles my heart
Endlessly chanting the lyrics of our souls
Which I sing all alone in the silence of love

Cuddling my beautiful body of wonder
I refuse to leave my man of euphoria
Who left for ever this being of purity


P.S. This is my second contribution for the second picture of Express Yourself Contest Week 14
Picture courtesy : Dr. Madhvi & Saranya Patel

May I speak with you?

Do you remember those gentle words
That marked our journey of togetherness
Where flowers bloomed in colours of joy
In the eternal garden of love?

Do you remember those gentle gestures
That spun our moments of expressions
Where birds cried in echoes of wonder
Sitting in the wish fulfilling trees of passions?

Do you remember those gentle glances
That tied our hearts of oneness
Where songs were sung by angels of pure
Standing in the peripherals of light?

Do you also remember your parting words
That shattered my world of innocence
Which made me wander without you
With a broken heart that could never be fixed?

You may not remember this rain of course
That connected me once when I cried
Where my soul felt stillness in my coffin
What with my life laid to rest already?

You may not remember me though
I wait for a moment of your glimpse
To say a word of my love of eternity
May I speak with you, my darling?


P.S. This poem is my contribution for Poetry Contest Week 14.
Picture courtesy - Dr. Madhvi & Saranya Patel

O my darling!

Fragrance filled the air to announce your birth
Jingle bells rhymed to welcome the joy wonder
Angels of heaven sang in chorus of your arrival
O my darling! Sleep well now without dreams

Your unborn kicks were reasons for my love
Your inborn tricks are causes of my laughter now
Your cry for my attention makes me feel special
O my darling! Sleep well now without fears

Retain this tenderness in your heart always
Sustain your personality of this sweetness ever
Live only a life of vision of your desires
O my darling! Sleep well now without worries

Prattles of toothless gums have tired you enough
Kicks of delicate legs are wearing you more
So rest on my shoulder and close your eyes gently
O my darling! Sleep well now without disturbances

You are neither that beautiful baby on the wall
Nor am I the mother gorgeous to strike a pose
Learn to live with black skin and ugly looks
O my darling! Sleep well now with a smile on your lips



P.S. This picture is uploaded only for an inspirational write and not for any other purpose.

I love you too

What a heartless creature I am to leave her twin sister (Sh) aside and write a blog on the heroine (Sw) of the last blog! When I heard the cries of Sh over phone with interludes, “Why did you not write about me? Don’t you love me?” I burst into laughter at first but then realized that this has the potential of becoming a sibling clash. So, I quickly decided to patch up the displeasure thereby bringing smile on my dear Sh too. :)




Soft hair, round face, chubby cheeks, smiling face, bubbling enthusiasm – a few words to define her.

Let me state a line in between that Sh is a clear papa girl. Whoever has seen the father and daughter together, they can see the unique bond being shared between them.

Among the identical twins, Sh is the eldest. While Sw reminds me of self, Sh is a typical sketch of my son. In the sense, she doesn’t like to borrow ideas from others as she has her own convictions. No wonder they two are often seen together giggling and laughing all the time.

A charming girl she is, it is a delight to speak with her. Intelligence and innocence mixed, she is a true mystery even to me, who has seen her since her birth. She has the capability to quickly adapt herself to any surrounding and people.

It is a delight to strike a conversation with her.

Upon her return from US, she naively said, “Let’s all go to US and stay. It’s very nice there because I don’t have to go to school.”

I asked her, “You have to go…”

She replied hastily, “Only my cousins staying there need to go. Not me. You don’t know. It’s like that.”

Moreover, she has an answer for anything you ask her. After all, she is a smart kid like any other, isn’t she?

Nowadays I am hearing from her mother that she has already planned the theme for her birthday on August 31st – purple walls, purple dress, no adults, only her friends,…….. A girl turning 6 wants her birthday to be celebrated in the way she likes, thus giving little room for her twin sister to raise her voice.

She reminds me of my son in her questioning and supreme confidence. She is a girl version of my son to be precise.

I love you very much dear just like your sister. Do you love me?


P.S. I have maintained the same word count so as to avoid any tug of war between the twins. :)

I miss you

Young, dark, beautiful, shy, intelligent, naïve and innocent – that’s the girl who told me once again ‘I missed you’ in a birthday party yesterday.

I vividly remember her baby days where she never got along with anyone unlike her twin sister. She was a bit reserved, used to cry most of the times, and happy to cling on to her mother always.

It is really wonderful to see the babies grow in front of our eyes. This cry baby has grown up into a lovely girl of five now. In fact, she reminds me of my childhood wherein I used to become deathly silent upon seeing a crowd and stay in my own world. Many times, I have seen myself in her. But I must also mention that she is equally naughty and full of joy & laughter when the surroundings and people are of her liking.



During her babyhood, I did manage to handle her many a time as she was graceful enough to find peace in me. Of late, whenever our families meet, I speak and spend time with her with as much as I do with her sister and move away with my friend to catch up with our conversation. But this girl, out of her own will, walks up to me every time to say, “You are beautiful today,” or “You are beautiful in this dress,” followed by, “I missed you very much...”

Do I need to say more how happy I would become upon hearing this, that too from a young girl of 5, who is still unexposed to any sort of pretense or artificiality? I am glad to declare that she reserves this honour to me.

I have often wondered what could be her perception of beauty. Why does she love me so much? What and where is the ‘connectedness’ between us?

Were we related to each other in our previous lives? Is this called ‘soul love’ or ‘soul connections’?

If that is so, it is rarely felt in this world where people meet with an artificial smile, laugh in the gatherings and move away with their lives. Such unconditional, untainted, voluntary, pure love is a rarity to be seen and experienced.

She landed in Bahrain yesterday evening after a short trip of four days to Dubai. The minute she saw me, she whispered in private, “When I had been to Dubai, I missed you very much….”

Am I not really fortunate?

Wisps of mental whispers

Shying away from the naked breeze
Soft tendrils of black and white locks
Cross my sensual face in a hurry

Looking through those wisps of hair
The child in me is awakened to count
The strands that careen my eye lashes

Petite knots that run near my nostrils
Quiver as if a storm has befallen
Only to move past swiftly to my lips

Enjoying the play of zephyr on me
I tie my hair up with eyes closed
Swinging to sweet childhood memories

I dig up from the depth of the past
Bare feet running in the fields of open
And burning hands in the lost tug of wars

Curious attic discoveries with the ladder
And ghost stories surrounding lonely trees
Walk past my memory scan in élan

I replay again and again those moments of
My silence upon seeing the contours of clouds
And wide gaping at the screeching pulleys

Hearing the loud knocks of my door
I refuse to move from the windowsill
Only to continue my reminiscences

Lo! Like those disarrayed puzzles
Caught in a storm of beastly order
My memories shuffle in quick succession

Pulling out my boyish pranks in front
A neat collage of past in black & white
Gets knotted to my utter surprise

Pleased with my brain of splendor today
I glance through the window slowly
To paint my mind work with cosmic colours

With the pounding of steps closer and closer
And the known voices nearer and nearer
I lie back on my bed with a false humility

Sshhh…. Let me do my own colouring later
As the mental doctor enters into my room
To trigger my sleep of irrelevant dreams of colours



This is my contribution for Contest Week 13
Picture Courtesy : spk100

Puppy refuses to leave me

Last year, my son was terribly disturbed after watching the movie ‘Vettaiyadu Vilaiyadu’ in theatres starring Kamal Hassan and Jothika. It took him more than a month to come out of the mental trauma that the celluloid violence had thrust on him.

In the film, two young medical (gay) students target young girls for their medical research. They cut the thumb of the girls live, rape, kill and bury them. To the horror of the parents of missing girls, a thumb dripping with blood would hang at their doorsteps.

The boys had acted extremely well so much so that my son started believing them to be real characters and feared that they might knock our doors at any time.

Three days back, when I read the disturbing news in our local newspaper, Gulf Daily News, I was really horrified. I could not eat, sleep, think or stop tears from my eyes. I am pushed to the depressed state effortlessly since then.

A three week old puppy was stolen from the animal sanctuary of Bahrain by local thugs in the night of last Thursday. The headline news was, they peeled off the skin of the puppy from the forehead till the collar, cut both the ears neatly and left him back in the same place to die.

Killing is a dastardly act no doubt but such cruelty has no pardon at all. It speaks volumes and volumes of psychological disorder, mental instability, brutal attitude, heartless character and poor upbringing.

What pleasure could a person derive from such shameful acts? How can a human hurt a defenseless, new born living being to this extent? Even if caught by the police, will there be any trial of justice? Or will the culprits be left free as the damage was done only to a small puppy? What is the guarantee that such sadism will not be tried on humans as well? How could such people be recognized in the crowd?

So many questions echo from the walls of my flat but with no answer.

Puppy has the mental strength to withstand this unimaginable torture. Human beings must have already gained enough distrust gracefully in his eyes as he is destined to live with the physical scar and mental fear throughout his life, thanks to us. Probably he may grow into a fine dog and forget whatever had happened to him in his baby days.

But, just as the memories of good and bad refuse to leave me, the unseen puppy too has found a place among them. At present, he refuses to leave me out of my mind and heart.

Why do you hide light?

O Lady of Beauty!
The dust of memories that glow
Releases tears in a steady flow
Do I not deserve your hand to hold?
Why do you hide light of gold?

O Lady of Grace!
Joy and sorrow make me cry
Shadows of light defeat my try
Do I not deserve your caring stare?
Why do you hide light of my share?

O Lady of Love!
Luminous objects glare my face
Delightful emotions choke my base
Do I not deserve your loving glance?
Why do you hide light of trance?

O Lady of Silence!
Head or heart I know not to discern
Feelings and thoughts I mix up often
Do I not deserve a state of ‘be’?
Why do you hide light from me?

O Lady of Pure!
World of fantasies rule my life
They refuse to guide me when in strife
Do I not deserve my father’s kingdom?
Why don’t you shower light of wisdom?


I believe that this picture of Raja Ravi Varma belongs to public domain. I have uploaded it only for an inspirational write and not for any other purpose.