The lonely flight

As I stared at the near blank sky yesterday night, I remembered the lesson ‘Migration of birds’ during my school years. That was long ago yet I remember vividly how I used to wonder their caliber to sustain the long flight across the deep oceans without an iota of fear.

Now I understand more clearly how it is to be all alone in the long flight. Even when you are with your flock of family & friends, you are always different and alone because each one is sitting inside his/her globe of priorities, interests and tastes and get driven unconsciously. The group of tiny Salmons may appear to display their most amazing skills to the human eyes during their long distance migration in search of fresh water but the underlying fact is that every Salmon has to make such death defying efforts to sustain and live.

I went back to bed with a smile – During this year, I had also laughed at the compliments for my good looks in spite of those fast multiplying grey hair on the head(:P), worried at my forgetfulness to wish 'Happy Birthday' over phone when I called the birthday boy from the shop especially to find out the right gift.... and a young heart to wonder at the many expressions of eyes....

However, I only wish the glowing inner cinders have the ability to cross the borders of genders and touch at least one heart to fly high.

I stand before you

Today I stand before you

…just as I did many years ago as a young school girl.

…just as I stand every single day.

…to look in awe at your blinding light and love.

…with a gentle persuasion and folded hands to accept me as I am.

…to listen to your special sermon for me.

…to whisper that I have not grown much in all these years.

…to learn how you forgive those who turn you into a commodity.



…to make you listen to my prayer of heart which cannot be found in any book.

…to thank you for all that you’ve given me.

…with a request to hold my hands in all my lifetimes.

…shedding tears realising how you have never judged me.

…in anticipation to understand your universal love at least one day.

…to let you know how much I love you.

…to take your blessings to listen to Silence.

…just to say that I am ever ready for your call.


MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Footprints

Do I really need to write this blog? I don’t know. Yet I write this.

Well, what all I wanted to write about by the way? So many. However, certain things are better not to be converted in to words, for they lose their original flavor. And I have many such. So, all I wish to say here is…

There are footprints of innumerable types everywhere – many new, some old, a few ancient, and a few more in the history books. Some are manipulated, some are entirely lost, some are misunderstood and some are not seen though found. Some are glorified, some are blacklisted, some are renewed and some are treated as if they never existed.

2010 is one such footprint. It may fall into any of the categories mentioned above in the big arms of Time & Man.

Personally for me, many doorways opened this year in an effort to make me understand what is Life & Death with a clear insight that I would be quietly swiped by Time one day without the notice of the world, leaving no external footprints.

And I am happy to be so. Because I care to preserve those footprints in my heart which are sacred and divine while I live in NOW.

Mother, Welcome!

We have an assignment for tomorrow's chyk class either on 'Mother' or 'Navaratri'. I wrote the following as my contribution. Honestly, it's written with 'Father' in mind though.

Here's the poem 'Mother, Welcome!'

There are secrets between you and me
Which you and I know….

In the interesting concept of space
Along with the unbending routes of time
You encouraged me to explore Life

In the combinations of myriad of colours
Along with the sounds to jabber
You ladled my mood swings to grow

The world in different conundrums
Zoomed in front of my being
And I was in the grip of emotional myopia

While I waited for my lost mother
To forgive me for the acts that deserved one
You hugged me in my dreams with love

In the silent chambers of inner space
I remembered the roles you’ve donned
To teach me the gospels of truth

The new chapters of Life opened all too sudden
To experience your divine love
In every colour and sound that touched me

Now....
Every day is blessed and beautiful
For I come to you running
To talk while you listen in patience

There will surely come a time
When you walk towards me to talk
While I abide in silence

I shall wait for that moment
To break my silence with
‘Divine Mother, Welcome!’

Yes, I remember now….
It was your extraordinary radiance
Against the silhouettes of space-time
That first captivated my innocent baby eyes

Indeed, there can be no secrets between you and me
Which you and I know….

Dreamy reality

My little hands cannot embrace the sky
Tear droplets cannot reflect the sight
Stay would I in the chamber of soul
And dream in my terms with eyes closed
Am a nobody’s bind nor mind I know
Here stops the tear with a smile to follow

Bid Adieu

She was matured as well as innocent, intelligent as well as beautiful, religious and also trendy, old in the body and young at heart.

As I rushed to the hospital in the morning of 30th June, I was shattered to see her round, exuberant face reduced to a thin skeletal structure. I remembered my shock when I first saw my thin father in his death bed 13 years ago. The thought was involuntary and highly coincidental. Was that a premonition?

She welcomed me with a faint smile from her ICU bed.

On the next day morning i.e. 1st July, my brother told me to take her blessings as she might not remember my birthday. It is quite natural for anyone to lose track of the day, date and time when one is bedridden but not my Mother. The moment I held her hand, she opened her tired eyes and gave her right hand to me as her wish and blessing. I was touched and deeply moved. Such love is possible only by a Mother.

This was not the first time that she was playing with life and death. But she could not win over death beyond 5th July.

Moreover, this was the time I had experienced and witnessed closely how one can extend their hands unconditionally at times of crisis in spite of their painful limitations. It is impossible to return our gratitude to such fine souls. Also, I am greatly indebted to all those lovely people who expressed their deep condolences by personal visits, phone calls and mails.

Ironically, I also happened to be at the receiving end of highly insensitive attitude. It should be my fault to expect some courtesy, diplomacy and respect in their expressions. What more can I say than ‘Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.’ With this understanding, I stay disconnected from such expressions.

My routine is back with the usual smile and laughter. I don’t sit and cry for the loss because I know that the karmic tie is severed for the good of her soul. I also don’t need anybody’s time or efforts to cheer me up as I am quite balanced in spite of the memories that turn my eyes moist, thanks to the knowledge of the Rishis because it is in solitude and silence that I derive maximum inner strength. Thankfully I am IN peace with the truth.

I have bid both parents my beloved adieu with a heavy heart to the cycle of Time at different periods. But I have my Spiritual Father who is with me in every step. I am thankful to the stars for shining their grace on me!!!

And hence there is no bidding adieu to the role of a daughter in this life or in future lives....

Who is Ravan?

Watched ‘Ravanan’ (Tamil version) yesterday night.

What went wrong, I don’t know. I don't want to know also. The lead cast is envious, the director is a class apart, the locales are stunningly beautiful, the cinematography breathtaking, lots of advertisement & promotion at the national and international levels….. in spite of all these and the mind blowing efforts of the entire team, the film didn’t touch me at all. I salute the team for their efforts however, for the movie is filmed in water and only water, though the epic is twisted to the core.

The theatre jeered during the scenes of R which I didn’t like a bit. I felt an acute pain in my heart for her sake. It dawned on me suddenly that the whole world might react in the same way and that pained me more.

Everyone deserves a life of self esteem, respect & choice and we have no right to hurt anyone through words, gestures, thoughts or in any other way. We easily forget that Ram will never do such a jeering act any day. I am sure these stone throwers are not Ramas in any standard. Such perversion is unbearable as my sensitivity doesn’t allow me to tolerate these days.

I did not wish to be a part of such an indecent crowd and irreversible act of subtle barbarism. I sincerely prayed for her peace and that’s what I could do at the best.

There's a silver lining of course during those couple of hours in the theatre -

The stranger girl of around 2 years old who I happened to see holding her father's hand going to the rest room during intermission reciprocated my smile so wholeheartedly that I was touched by her innocence. The typical Tamil girl with plaited pony tails looked like an angel of great beauty and full of light even to my dull eyes. I don't know who that girl is and may not recognise also next time but pray she grows up into a fine woman retaining the same innocent smile throughout.

May Love and Light fill everyone’s life!